We’ve never been that big on effort here at hecklerspray, in fact, our motto is Don’t Worry About Coming First, Just Don’t Come Last. And since Nicholas Owen came last on Strictly Come Dancing on Saturday, we’ve totally disowned him.
To be fair, though, one of the seven lame-duck male Strictly Come Dancing contestants had to be the first one to be voted off, and poor Nicholas Owen got the chop. Perhaps it’s because Nicholas Owen is such an authoritative newsreader that we just aren’t convinced when he tries to do something other than talk slowly about atrocities. Maybe, though, it’s because Nicholas Owen danced like a shop dummy in a full body-cast. We’ll never know. But – now we’ve seen all the male Strictly Come Dancing contestants step out, who do we think will win?
Here’s part one of the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for the men to win, with betting odds from PaddyPower…
Jimmy Tarbuck – We had a gut feeling about Jimmy Tarbuck; as an old-school performer, we got the impression that Jimmy Tarbuck would be as light and dainty on his feet as a bodypopping pixie. Turns out that he probably got the Strictly Come Dancing job because Bruce Forsyth is his old pal. Make no mistake – Jimmy Tarbuck is shit at dancing. After clomping around the stage to some Girls Aloud song, the Strictly Come Dancing judges queued up to tear Jimmy a new arsehole, telling him that he was “Absolutely average. There was no rise and fall, it was all very level, head position all the way through was iffy.” One show in and Jimmy Tarbuck is rank outsider to win Strictly Come Dancing. We’d try and think up a funny golf analogy here, but golf’s for nobsacks, so we won’t. SCORE: 17 – Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 40/1
Peter Schmeichel – As we’ve mentioned before, if Peter Schmeichel wasn’t booked to be the jokey clumping Strictly Come Dancing entrant who’d be most likely to accidentally smash his dance partner’s bones into dust in his monstrous hands like David Seaman did on Dancing On Ice, then we were going to eat our hats. Which we had to do on Saturday night, since Peter Schmeichel wasn’t quite as crap at dancing as we thought. After getting down to the song about children being everyone’s future, the Strictly Come Dancing judges told Peter: “You were the Great Majestic Dane. You’re so tall and you move so gracefully.” Having said that, PaddyPower doesn’t seem to think he was all that much cop. SCORE: 25 – Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 20/1
Matt Dawson – Matt Dawson is quite good at playing rugby, but even better at appearing on every single second-rate TV show that’ll push a small handful of coins into his pockets. We’ve seen Matt Dawson do the whole ‘smug sportsman’ thing on A Question Of Sport, we’ve seen him do the whole ‘cooking food while a bald tit in stupid glasses shouts at you’ thing on Celebrity Masterchef, and now he’s prancing around like a ninny on Strictly Come Dancing. Is he any good at it? Well, his routine to a Rolling Stones tune had one Strictly Come Dancing judge telling him “Dull, dull, dull – that was the most boring routine I’ve seen in ages,” so we’d have to say no. Except that, as the first Strictly Come Dancing dancer, his was the first routine anyone had seen in ages. What does that mean? Arsed if we know. SCORE: 19 – Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 9/1
Tomorrow: The Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for DJ Spoony, Mark Ramprakash and Ray Fearon. Don’t forget to check out Paddypower.com for the full list of Strictly Come Dancing betting odds, either!
[story by Stuart Heritage]