The first Strictly Come Dancing ladies night took place on Saturday and it more or less confirmed what everyone who remembers the late 1980s knew only too well; that Mica Paris can't dance for toffee.
One of the Strictly Come Dancing girls had to go in the first week and unfortunately it was Mica Paris who bit the dust first, although at least she has her day job of telling ugly people that they wear shit clothes to fall back on. Incidentally, did anyone see Bruce Forsyth talk about Strictly Come Dancing on the Paul O'Grady show the other day? Bruce innocuously enough called Spoony "a dark horse," and then – worried that it might him seem racist – launched into the weirdest backtrack we've ever seen, ending with him exasperatedly sighing "You're not allowed to call them that these days, are you?" We were watching it unfold with one hand over our eyes and the other in our mouth, and it's now become our favourite Bruce Forsyth TV moment ever, just nudging Bruce's unveiling of 'trapping' – a carcrash mix of tapdance and rapping – into second place.
But enough of that, who's going to win Strictly Come Dancing this year? Here are the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Georgina Bouzova, Jan Ravens and Claire King, with help from PaddyPower.com…
Georgina Bouzova – Georgina Bouzova seems to know that she's the most staggeringly anonymous 'celebrity' to ever have graced a reality TV show and, by crikey, she's set out to do something about it. Georgina Bouzova's strategy to become famous on Strictly Come Dancing is twofold. Firstly, she's decided to spend all her time in training being a prissy arsehole to everyone she meets and, secondly, she's really really terrible at dancing. Really. Her Strictly Come Dancing routine to Let's Get It On was described by a judge as having "as much romance as an autopsy." As it happens, we've had several romantic encounters during autopsys, but that's for another time. SCORE: 14 – Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 66/1
Jan Ravens – Jan Ravens has probably the easiest day job in the world; she's an impressionist who relies on saying "Hello, I'm Natasha Kaplinsky," instead of actually looking or sounding remotely like Natasha Kaplinsky at all. But when it comes to dancing, Jan Ravens can't cut quite so many corners. She can't just sit in a chair and say "Hello, I'm doing the quickstep to When You're Smiling" – she actually has to stand up and dance around a bit. Sadly, this proved to be too much for Jan, who stacked it spectacularly at the end of her routine, prompting a Strictly Come Dancing judge to tell her "I loved it, but the turns and footwork were clumpy." SCORE: 24 – Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 33/1
Claire King – In a way, Claire King has a big headstart over her Strictly Come Dancing counterparts. Although most people only know Claire King as the slutty-looking older woman from Emmerdale, her dance partner is Brendan Cole, who six or seven people saw acting like a tosspot on Love Island this summer. With this staggering level of fame, how could Claire King and Brendan Cole fail? Well, by breaking Strictly Come Dancing rules and lifting each other up a lot all through their routine to Show Me Heaven. Luckily, though, Claire King looks a bit dirty and that ultimately worked in their favour. "Absolute filth. I loved it," said one Strictly Come Dancing judge as his grimy hand pumped up and down underneath the judge's desk. SCORE: 21 – Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 18/1
Tomorrow – the other Strictly Come Dancing ladies; Carol Smillie, Louisa Lytton and Emma Bunton. Don't forget to check out Paddypower.com for the full list of Strictly Come Dancing betting odds, either!
[story by Stuart Heritage]