Here it is, the time of the week when we start to pick apart how good the Strictly Come Dancing contestants are at dressing up in horrible lycra blouses and trying to dance to horrible renditions of Bon Jovi songs, the poor souls.
On Saturday's Strictly Come Dancing, Jan Ravens bit the big one. After probably improving the most out of all the dancers so far, Jan never really recovered from stacking it a few weeks ago and was asked to leave. And at that exact moment, Jan's happy-go-lucky demeanour was smashed into dust and she was left sobbing and wailing like a four-year-old who was picked last for the netball team. It was a terrifying spectacle to watch, and we're still sleeping with the lights on because of it.
But now that Jan Ravens has inevitably been kicked out of Strictly Come Dancing, who's going to win? Here's part one of our Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Claire King, Peter Schmeichel, Matt Dawson and Carol Smillie…
Claire King – Not so long ago, the Strictly Come Dancing judges said that Claire King should ditch any notion of proper dancing and just stick to grinding her hoo-hahs around like a divorcee stripper. On Saturday's Strictly Come Dancing Claire King took their advice and performed a salsa to a Justin Timberlake song that was so utterly pornographic that six viewers in the Midlands actually lost their virginity simply by watching it. Not that it worked, though – the Strictly Come Dancing judges just realised that all they were watching was a shock tactic by the old bird from Emmerdale and the nobsack from Love Island: "For me that was a bit of a pole dance. There was hardly any connection between you two." SCORE: 21 – Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 50/1
Peter Schmeichel – Peter Schmeichel also took the Strictly Come Dancing judges' advice on Saturday – that advice was basically "Stop clumping around the stage like a Frankenstein's Monster puppet controlled by a zombie you big dummy." And on Saturday that's what Peter Schmeichel did, more or less; his Viennese Waltz to Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman contained approximately 50% less clumping and 36% less monstrousness than Peter's previous efforts, with the Strictly Come Dancing judges telling him it was "wonderful to see this big bloke gliding around the room." So that's Peter Schmeichel's dancing stripes well and truly earnt – which means you're now officially allowed to mock him for prancing round like a fairy next time you see him. SCORE: 29 – Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 40/1
Matt Dawson – Although mainly practised by lonely recruitment consultants from the Thames Valley who are constantly aware of the fact that their biological clock is ticking away louder than a series of nuclear explosions, the salsa is meant to be a sexy dance. It's just a shame that nobody informed Matt Dawson, who performed a Strictly Come Dancing routine so devoid of fire that it could gain a second use as a form of anaesthetic. If the fact that it was performed to a Simply Red song didn't set any dullness alerts off, then the Strictly Come Dancing judge's comments that "It's very clear you have the ability but I'm not sure about your desire. You have the sensuality but you just don't explode," certainly should have done. SCORE: 25 – Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 18/1
Carol Smille – Carol Smillie posses an extraordinary talent; no matter how many contestants get voted off Strictly Come Dancing, Carol Smillie always seems to end up as the most crushingly mediocre dancer of the pack. We're really not sure how Carol pulls off this 'neither good enough to seriously applaud or rubbish enough to mock with any real vigour' trick, but she did it again on Saturday, doing a salsa to Don't Stop Till You Get Enough that managed to be slap-bang in the middle of the group in terms of quality. Luckily while we were dozing off to her routine, the Strictly Come Dancing judges at least found something interesting to tell her: "Every week you discover a part of yourself you never knew before." Next week, Carol discovers her ankles and cries astonished tears for an hour. SCORE: 29 – Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 12/1
Tomorrow – the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Ray Fearon, Emma Bunton, Louisa Lytton and Mark Ramprakash…