God, Sting is boring.

hecklerspray remains completely baffled as to why Sting (CDs) is still afforded recording time. Inbetween his Bono-lite antics of trying to save the world – hovering above dying rainforests with a concerned look on his face, probably in an environmentally-friendly helicopter powered entirely by leaves – he still finds the time to release material so shockingly bland and middle-aged you can’t help but feel like you’ve wandered onto the set of Cold Feet.

Still. Despite all this ’success’, Sting proudly believes himself to be a man of the people. "I want to live as normally as possible," he insists.

But evidently in Stingworld ‘normal’ means a completely different thing. Evidently ‘normal’ expands to cover the hum-drum, matter-of-fact sheer ordinariness of having seven bloody houses.

Ready for a quick run-by of Sting’s pads? Okay, then.

The Mondeo Man’s favourite boasts "one home in Los Angeles, one in New York, one in England’s picturesque Lake District, a 20-room 600 acre estate in Tuscany, Italy and his family’s main 60-acre residence in Wiltshire."

Slightly peculiar for a self-confessed ‘everyman’, isn’t it? A little bit opulent for the man in the street, I’m-dead-ordinary-me proletarian busker image, wouldn’t you say?

Ready for Sting’s reasoning? Ready to hear why Sting thinks seven houses is "modest and necessary"? Are you really ready, dear hecklers? Because it’s an absolute cracker …

Sting ardently believes that having so many houses "helps to keep him grounded." Why? Because "it means he can avoid plush hotels."

See that? He’s just like you after all.

[story by C J Davies]