In days of old, we’d always assumed that Charlotte Church’s wedding would include free jelly shots for all, water pistols filled with WKD for confetti and, in place of a vicar, a life-size naked ice statue of Tom Jones that constantly urinated moonshine.

But those days are long gone. Charlotte Church is now well and truly pregnant, making her far too dignified to get leathered on alcopops, scream abuse at her mother and fall over at her own wedding. Reports yesterday suggested that a more refined Charlotte Church was planning to get married to her rugby ladyboy boyfriend Gavin Henson next month in a fairytale Welsh castle wedding that would be the last word in restrained elegance. Turns out it was all bollocks, mind you.