Apparently the next time American Idol makes it to air, you’re likely to hear comments like ‘No, man. You gotta put more scarves on your microphone,’ or ‘Jowls? You call those jowls? These are jowls! (As the quiet shaking of his cheeks can be heard over his microphone for several seconds past his sentence-end).
That’s because Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler is going to be sitting at the judges table. This is exciting news for every single hospital in the world where they obviously must walk up the hall putting Idol on in all the rooms of the comatose.
Seriously – those ratings have got to be coming from somewhere – but will Tyler add to them?
Recent album sales would seem to indicate no.
What’s your favorite part of American Idol? Ours is that they are so open and non-discriminatory when it comes to their judges. Seriously – this time last week they were very close to signing Mozart‘s decomposed corpse to a five year contract behind a Coke glass. Unfortunately hawks or something made off his hand many, many years ago, and he was left completely unable to work a pen.
His loss, really.
So what do you do when Mozart falls through? You get Beethoven. But when that? doesn’t work out either you get Steven Tyler. He’s kind of just as good as Mozart & Beethoven, except he’s a tad older and doesn’t write tolerable music. But that doesn’t matter – because he’s on Idol anyway. See – the Boston Globe even says so right here:
“…the Aerosmith singer is set to become a judge on the new season of Fox?s hit talent show. Of course, neither the network nor the singer, who's on tour with his band, would comment yesterday. But bassist Tom Hamilton confirmed it to the Star-Ledger of New Jersey. ?The ink is dry on that,?? said Hamilton. ?Steven is someone who absolutely lives to be in front of an audience, and the people closest to him know how witty and entertaining he can be.??”
By witty we assume Hamilton is talking about sight gags – like falling off stage again and again and again. That’s pretty cool, we guess. But what would be cooler is if Idol were going for a theme this year. You know, like if they got Mick Jagger on the panel too, then they could sub-title the season : Blowfish.
That’s catchy, isn’t it? You know what other theme they could probably go with? Staffing the table with Tyler and the two old men from the muppet show. That’d be all class. Plus – you can’t tell us you’ve never looked at Steve’s saggy cheeks and wondered if they were made of felt.
Honestly, if we were to ever learn that there’s a hand crammed up his throat with the fingers gripping his sinus cavity and the thumb flapping the jaw, we wouldn’t be the least surprised.
Not the least bit.
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sdgsd says
dude, your shit’s weak. you have no comments because you suck. shit, i left you a comment.