Steven Spielberg hasn't made a really good film for years. Sure, Munich was nominated for a few Oscars, but any movie featuring a man having sex with his wife and screaming with rage in slow motion needs a bit of work in our book.
And as for War Of The Worlds, well, it was successful enough, but we've never met a single person who thought that its ending wasn't the biggest letdown of the year. And before that? The Terminal. Exactly. So Steven Spielberg needs to focus on making an exciting, easily-accessible film with real substance, and soon. And what has he just signed up for? A film about gravity-wave strengths and their temporal signatures as observed on the Earth, that's what. Woo hoo!
Despite making The Terminal, Steven Spielberg is still thought of as one of the world's finest, most varied directors and every film he makes – unless it's a movie remake of an album about aliens that had David Essex on it, an overblown, over-serious, over-long film about terrorism or anything to do with airports – turns to gold. Sure, Spielberg has had his ups and downs – anyone can destroy a Mescalero Apache family's cultural standing by careless lopping off a girl's hair, after all – but the rule generally stands.
Lately, Steven Spielberg has taken some time off from making movies to focus on the world of videogames, but now he's ready to jump back into filmmaking again. First, Spielberg has a couple of projects to bomb through – Indiana Jones 4 and a film about the murder of Abraham Lincoln (SPOILER: Lincoln suddenly dies of a cold right at the end leaving Tom Cruise to travel to Boston and hug his wife) – and then the fun can really start.
Because Steven Spielberg has signed up to make the weirdest film ever. It's a study of Caltech professor Kip Thorne's theories on gravitational fields. The project doesn't have a screenplay yet, and we're not going to see it for years, and nobody seems too sure about how to turn some academic papers about remote movements in space into a fun film, but that hasn't stopped Reuters from describing the film as exploring:
the mind-bending territory of black holes and gravity waves and touch on some of the hypotheses that Albert Einstein chased but never could prove.
We don't want to spoil the movie for you, but we hear that the movie ends with the discovery that universal antigravity corresponds to a positive local quintessent field in the quantum vacuum and that it is impossible for cylindrical magnetic field lines to implode.
That's not the weird bit, though – Spielberg wants to be Stanley Kubrik so badly that his 2001 was always going to come from somewhere – the weird bit is that Kip Thorne is being helped with the movie by producer Lynda Obst, and she'll be able to provide a lot of assistance because she also produced How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
Steven Spielberg's space flick doesn't have a release date yet, but we can't wait for it, since the sum of its parts adds up to a rom-com abstract study of advanced relativity set in an airport. Where everyone dies at the end because of a cold.
[story by Stuart Heritage]