Steven Spielberg: ‘Hey, I Like The Gays Too’

Steven Spielberg loves his causes. The International Industry Foundation, Starlight, Beards For Babies, Tennis For Tortoises - the list goes on.

And Steven Spielberg has a lot to thank the gay community for - it’s a scientific fact that the only people who’ve actually paid to see a Steven Spielberg film in the last five years are gay, whether they’ll admit it to themselves or not.

So it goes without saying that Steven Spielberg was only too happy to financially support the fight against Proposition 8, the amendment to California law that will ban the recently unbanned act of gay marriage. Spielberg has donated $100,000 to the cause. If it succeeds, every gay couple in California will be lining up to thank Steven Spielberg for his time and support. And if he fails, at least he’ll be able to say he tried. Either way - cocktails!

California has a lot to learn when it comes to accepting gay marriage. We’ve had it for years in the UK and, if anything, it’s just made the public more accepting of homosexuality. Elton John’s a prime example. Thanks to his marriage to David Furnish, the British have learnt that not all gay people mince around screeching flamboyantly at everything - some of them can be fat bald miserable arseholes as well.

And California was well on its way to learning this - when it legalised civil unions between same-sex couples earlier this year, everyone from Ellen DeGeneres to Mr Sulu rushed forward to get married. And guess what - the sky didn’t fall in.

Admittedly the sky did make a gruffly noncommittal noise about being OK with it but reserving the right to fall in if all these gays kept shoving it in its face all the time, but other than that things have been fine.

That could all change in November, though. That’s when Proposition 8 kicks in - a line on a ballot that could effectively ban gay marriage once again. So far Brad Pitt has thrown his support behind the fight to stop Proposition 8, and now he’s been joined by Steven Spielberg, who’s matched Pitt’s donation of $100,000. In his accompanying statement, Steven Spielberg said:

“By writing discrimination into our state constitution, Proposition 8 seeks to eliminate the right of each and every citizen in our state to marry regardless of sexual orientation. Such discrimination has NO place in California’s constitution, or any other.”

Despite Steven Spielberg’s donation, the fight is still on to match the $16 million total that the pro-Proposition 8 supporters have thus far raised. Although God knows where that money’s going - presumably a series of television adverts featuring gay couples and the tagline ‘Urgh, Two Blokes Kissing? I’m Not Having That? Can You Imagine It? Can You Imagine Another Man Sticking His Thing Up Your Bum? That Tingling Sensation I’m Feeling In My Balls Is Disgust, By The Way. I’m Not Into It’.

And that hardly rolls off the tongue, does it?

Anyway, what we want to know is this - while Steven Spielberg and the rest of California is squabbling over Proposition 8, they’re letting a much bigger fish slip through their fingers. We’re talking, of course, about Propositon 11.

‘Independent commission to draw legislative district boundaries’? Christ, we think we’ve actually thrown up inside our own mouths.