Apart from when he got a mighty huff on when some puny worm dared to go onto Twitter and call him a “tedious monolith” (or whatever), he tends to keep his own counsel and keep his slagging to a minimum, preferring instead to work on being the affable gay uncle of the whole of Britain. In fact, getting a sharp word against you from Fry would be rather like a flamboyantly-waistcoated, bespectacled and gently avuncular Beatrix Potter bear abruptly giving you the finger.
But his recent speech at BAFTA seemed to bring out his big old bitch side, as he bemoaned the infantilism of British television, dismissing such gleaming jewels in the Beeb’s programming crown as Doctor Who and Merlin as “children’s programmes” and comparing their pappy charms to evil, delicious junk food.
As a chill ran through the nerd underworld and more than a few sentient adults sat bolt upright and sharply re-evaluated their lives, the news travelled to new Doctor Who Godhead and professional sarky Scot Steven Moffat. And it did not go down well. Ladies and gentlemen: we have ourselves a rubbish rumble!
According to Digital Spy, Moffat responded with well-honed passive aggressive stylings:
“Doctor Who’s not for adults? I can count some here! Let’s be fair, Stephen Fry’s one of the biggest Doctor Who fans in the world, he was just trying to sound grown up. The comparison with chicken nuggets? This is a very, very high-end, very, very high-quality show. It has absolutely no comparison with junk food at all and Stephen knows it. That’s Twitter he’s thinking about! Stephen loves Doctor Who so don’t worry about it.”
Wait, is that it?! Come on, Moffat! No sly digs about a once-great comedic career reduced to presiding over the smuggest panel show on TV and occasionally orgasming over Apple products? No cheeky mentions of his former partner now being paid $14 billion per episode to grump around a hospital with spray-on hair? Not even offering him out for a homo-erotic wrestle in a paddling pool full of raspberry jelly? What a disappointment. We’ve got too spoilt by histrionic Katona/Jordan and Pandre/Reid smackdowns. The shame.
We can only hope that Moffat’s revenge will be served cold, as he reveals the big bad for the next series of Doctor Who: a mellifluous monster cloned from Oscar Wilde‘s pubes implanted into an armoured shell, intent on taking over the planet armed only with a thesaurus on an iPad and a million sycophantic @-branded followers. The Twitterthyrin. Fear him!