Starbucks Now To Blandly Promote Bland Films

Starbucks isn’t content with being everywhere you look, trying to force Frappuchinos down your throat willy-nilly. Why just sell coffee, Starbucks thinks, when you can sell all kind of other junk, too?

Starbucks has already proved its success at selling CDs by elderly or dead musicians, and now the coffee chain has announced that it is to diversify and start promoting movies, too. And Starbucks is going to do it the only way it knows - with blackboards and pastry.

Starbucks started selling music in its outlets last year, and
quickly realised that it was onto a good thing as Genius Loves Company,
the ‘quick, sing this before you die’ duets album by Ray Charles (CDs) won
all kinds of Grammies and made Starbucks a lot of money. Starbucks has
repeated the trick time and time again, by selling rarity CDs by Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones and Alanis Morissette.

The sudden move of Starbucks into the music retail world didn’t please anyone, however, especially HMV Canada - who threatened to stop selling Bob Dylan CDs in protest, and Bruce Springsteen
- who saw his album banned by Starbucks for featuring a song about
rogering a whore up the bum. But, generally, Starbucks selling music
has been something of a success. And that’s why Starbucks has announced
a deal to promote a forthcoming film about a spelling competition.
Future Starbucks plans include DVD sales and possibly even book
publishing.

Akeelah And The Bee is film all about a poor little girl who decides
that that she enjoys spelling words and enters a spelling bee. Akeelah
And The Bee also sounds like the most horrifically bland film ever
created - so it’s a perfect first film for Starbucks to promote, then.
According to The Independent:

Marketing for the latest film, which will be released in the US in
April, will include trivia games on chalkboards and words from the film
printed inside pastry cases. It will also be promoted on coffee cup
sleeves. In exchange, Starbucks will get an undisclosed share of the
film’s box-office proceeds.

Words in pastry cases. Christ. Nice one Starbucks.

Read more:

Starbucks to offer DVDs and books with its skinny latte - Independent

[story by Stuart Heritage]