The Dancing With The Stars final is a week away – but it’s a final that’ll happen without Cody Linley from Hannah Montana.

Last night Cody Linley was voted out of Dancing With The Stars. Ostensibly this was because Dancing With The Stars viewers didn’t vote for Cody Linley, but in reality it was probably because episodes of Dancing With The Stars now last for 400 full years and all of Cody Linley’s fans are children and therefore get bored after three seconds and go and leave burning dog turds outside pensioners’ front doors or something.

But so what? Cody Linley might not be in the Dancing With The Stars final, but he’s got his whole life ahead of him. His whole life that’s already peaked by playing second-fiddle to Miley Cyrus on a gormless kid’s TV show and coming fourth-best on a competition that’s predominantly about spandex. So, yeah, good luck with that.

It pains us to say it, but Dancing With The Stars – America’s Strictly Come Dancing that’s identical in format, theme-tune, title-font and voiceover announcer but different because there isn’t a paunchy old journalist staggering around enraging everyone by being shit all the time – comes to an end next week.

But, oh, the memories. Who can forget the wonderful times we had watching Dancing With The Stars, like when that one woman constantly seemed like she was about to have a heart attack? Or when that old woman was voted out and then went to hospital with what briefly appeared to be pneumonia? Or when that other woman snapped her Achilles tendon and writhed around in agony for what seemed like hours? Or when that other woman’s fanny started growing on her appendix and she had to have an emergency operation?

And we’re even told that between this spot-on depiction of a 1940s convalescent hospital, some people actually danced on Dancing With The Stars too. Who knew?

However, one person who won’t reach the Dancing With The Stars final is Codey Linley from Hannah Montana. Despite surviving being bottom of the judges’ leaderboard for close a month, last night Codey Linley’s luck ran out and he was eliminated from the competition at the end of a two-hour Dancing With The Stars results show that seemed scientifically formulated to break the will of everybody watching. MSNBC reports:

After landing in last place with the judges for the third week in a row, and failing to rally enough viewer votes to keep him in the competition, the teen hung up his dancing shoes Tuesday night. Cody took the predictable elimination in stride, thanking his fans and referring to his time on the show as a “growing, learning journey.”

So goodbye Cody Linley. We didn’t know who you were, and now we suppose we’ll never have to learn.

But who does that leave in next week’s Dancing With The Stars final? Why, Lance Bass from ‘N Sync, athlete Warren Sapp and someone called Brooke Burke. Only one of them can achieve victory, and replicate the huge success of last year’s Dancing With The Stars winner, um, that bloke. You know. Dark hair. Might have been a woman, now we come to think of it. Possibly. But, yeah, they can replicate the success of him. Or her.

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