So this is it. The last day of 2008. And, if you’ll allow us, the hecklerspray writers are going to get a little personal.
Having listed their favourite movies, albums and TV shows over the last few days, they’re now about to start explaining what the best thing of their year was. You will laugh. You will cry. You will vomit. You will lose control of your sphincter. Not because any of this is particularly profound or anything, but because you’re deeply unstable people.
As ever, be sure to chip in with your own best things of the year in the comments section below. That’s an actual order.
Stuart Heritage
I’d planned for ages to say that you lot were the best thing about this year. Hecklerspray wouldn’t be half as much fun without its readers and commenters – the best thing about writing a post is the knowledge that some of you will absolutely put me to shame afterwards – and I’d like to single out special praise for Christine, the probable one-time hecklerspray reader responsible for the gem that was “YOU GO GIRL!!! I-N-D-E-P-E-N-T”.
Over the last 12 months I’ve even been lucky enough to become friends with some of you in one form or another, and that has honestly made my year.
Anyway, I was going to say that, but then I remembered I bought a Roomba this year. Seriously, those things fucking RULE.
Shawn Lindseth
In 2008 my dog died from eating what’s been estimated to be 1000 Easter hams. I keep his last puke in a thermos next to our bed. Although my wife has thrown it out well over a dozen times, she’s never done so with a garbage truck engine roaring in ear shot.
This, or course, gives me plenty of time to right her wrongs, usually from deep, deep inside the slick, greasy dumpster. You can’t throw something like that out – not when its almost thick enough to mold into a statue of Kate Moss.
I’ve got a really special tribute planned.
CJ Davies
That US election thing turned out well, didn’t it?
Chris Laverty
Grand Theft Auto IV - I lost a month of my life on this game and I couldn’t be happier (I’d only have wasted it having sex or something). The change of direction for developers Rockstar aiming to make a more grown up gaming experience worked a treat. Apparently teenagers didn’t like GTA IV because they couldn’t fly around in a jet pack. Saints Row 2 sorted this out for them a few months later and was total arse biscuits.
As for me, I still have to meet everyone ‘within the hour’ and can’t drive further than Tesco without playing Barry White on my stereo. That Serbian tracksuit look is a tough gig to pull off too.
Matthew Laidlow
The discovery of a takeaway that accepts payments via debit card really has rocked by world. I know I’ll eventually pop leaving a room splattered with human remains and Chinese food, but I won’t be there to clear it up. For someone who sometimes can’t be arsed to do the most basic tasks, the lazy way of getting food just got easier. When a strange man knocks on your door and simply hands you over a burning hot pile of food without asking for money, it is brilliant.
Because everything in the world can now be bought on the internet, I may just barricade up my house, dig a moat round it and live in my own private bubble. Only leaving to go to the pub and occasional gig. God bless the internet and debit cards.
Ian Dransfield
The credit crunch – It was predicted to happen, it happened, now everyone won’t shut up about it, it’s ruining lives and it’s probably going to make for a miserable Christmas for many. But on the other hand, it was a massive wake-up call for the FAT CATS at CITY HALL who sit around with their CORPORATIONS being all CORPORATIONEY, burning CHILDREN and eating MONEY… err… hmm. Basically it was funny to see people who deal in money that doesn’t even exist have their careers ruined, it was funny to see huge businesses come crashing down and it was funny to see the massive over-reaction by seemingly everyone in the world. Oh, and lest we forget the fact that it’s killing off Woolies, meaning we get cheap things from that hell-hole, and the VAT cut means everything is a tiny bit cheaper, meaning four pence cheaper ginger beer! It’s win-win-win!
David Scarborough
Blu-Ray – The future is here and it looks all shiny and clear! The Blu-Ray era has kicked off and the world is blown away in shock and awe. “Look at that rock, it looks really detailed” the people shouted! It didn’t end there though, Blu-Ray has an ever-increasing catalogue that have to be seen in this amazing format to be fully appreciated (The Dark Knight has scenes filmed on Imax displaying in an extra crisp high definition transfer). Will it catch on and overtake DVD? That’s another question, but for now this is the ultimate viewing experience of all your favourite films. Now excuse me while I go and watch the Sex and The City movie – it’s so detailed that if you look close enough you can see when Sarah Jessica Parker sold her soul to make this piece of shit successful.
Tomorrow: Jesus, it’s New Year’s Day. What do we look like to you, animals? But the day after tomorrow: the same old usual hecklerspray nonsense.
But, hey, thanks for reading this year. You’ve all been wonderful. Well, OK, quite a lot of you have been tosspots. But the rest of you have been wonderful. You know who you are.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
My most memorable sight of 2008 was the porn starlet Kitty Yung, at the end of a clip, her face resembling a glazed doughnut; she smiled and waved and said
“Hi Mum!”
Marijuana. The best thing of 2008, most likely of 2009 and pretty much of all time. I may not have a job thanks to the economic crisis, but at least I can still get high.
I come back just to see Hyde for New Year’s and this is what you do to me.
Gonna go smoke with Sarah, apparently.
I second Sarah’s nomination. Far and away the best thing ever.
My list:
Bittorrenting shows from the U.K. so when they finally appear on BBC America I can tell all my friends I’ve already seen it and it wasn’t eviscerated with commercials.
My 50th birthday: My best friends finally got married after 21 years and I married them after being sworn in at City Hall as a Deputy Marriage Commissioner (everyone should officiate a marriage at least once in your life), right before that benighted Prop 8 passed in California. Then a I met a bunch of my mates at a bar in the Castro District, had dinner and got pissed.
Music: Pure joy.
Pie: Pie makes things better. Totally kicks cake’s ass.
Obama: (Can’t wait for Jan. 20th. Weeza gonna party!)
Reading Hecklerspray every day. One of life’s great pleasures.
I found out what women want, i was disappointed, but the chicks in the ads are so dang hot
Happy new year Hecklerspray! Love ya
I played Resident Evil 4 on the Wii till my eyes bled, became unhealthily obsessed with looking at numbers on Omniture, Sky Plus changed my life, and I opened the door into the mind-bending alternate reality of Wikipedia talk pages. I also read far too much of Enclyclopedia Dramatica and my band got played on BBC Radio 6. These were mostly good things.
Playing guitar hero so much and for so long, that every time I looked at something for a while it seemed to be moving in the same way as the bit at the bottom that tells you what button to hit!
Discovering Hecklerspray, which makes the “work” day almost bearable. Especially when comic-book kids get all “throbbing vein in the head” over some of the stories! I love those little scrotes.
Managing another year without disembowelling/eviscerating/generallly mutilating some of the utter arse-kissing idiots and brainless “buzz word brigade” that overpopulate my workplace.
And Sky+
All rocked!
Mikey
I work for the government too.
Not quite the government, Gemini, but not far off!
Which is no doubt why we are secure enough in our jobs to think that we can safely spend time on here!!