Spray Q&A: Alex Sim-Wise

Alex Sim-Wise is a woman. And a very pretty one at that.

So much so that she is paid to pose in sexual positions to excite sexually frustrated blokes and give them the false hope that one day they’ll get married to her and live in a pink castle in the clouds. However, Alex is not your average bimbo model who aspires to shag a footballer outside a trendy London nightclub. Her no-holds-bar attitude has propelled her to fame and a hardcore legion of fans. 

We asked Alex the same questions we ask everybody else, and this is how she answered… 

Finish this sentence: If I ruled the world, I'd…
Sing a song about it a la Lauren Hill, back in the day, before she was shit. Or maybe I'd pass a rule saying that everyone had to listen to Van Halen every day, for the rest of their lives. Or maybe I'd just sit on a sofa shitting my pants with the enormity of it all.

Is there a film, record or book that changed your life?
The Greatest Hits of Michael Bolton pretty much shaped my entire personality.

What's your guilty pleasure?
Headbutting my friends on stage while covering myself in vodka and spitting in their mouths.

What turns you on?
Skinny Jewish boys who live on their mum's sofa.

Who's the biggest celebrity idiot you've ever met?
Probably all the WAGs I've encountered on my modelling journey. They need to get a proper job and/or a lobotomy.

What would be your super power of choice?
Super farts that could jet power me places.

What was the first record you bought yourself?
License to Ill by the Beastie Boys.

When was the last time you cried at a film?
I can't watch the film AI as I cry uncontrollably all the way though it and it completely disturbs me. You can't raise a robot as a real life boy and then abandon it, it's morally wrong in every kind of way.

What is the strangest favourite fan request you've ever had?
One fan asked if it was okay for them to wank over one of my pictures and send me the result. Apparently it's called 'laminating'. I was not amused.

Which animal would you be?
A cat. Cats are awesome, but only a heavy metal cat that could dance to Motley Crue.

What do you want written on your gravestone?
“She sold her tits but not her soul”.

Say something nice about hecklerspray.
Hecklerspray has got really nice hair and does not look fat in that dress.

OK, plug whatever you want…
For shits and giggles why not take a look at my myspace, it's alright and great if you have ran out of biscuits at work and are bored: http://www. myspace.com/alexandramodel.

Alternately you can read my column in Front magazine which has a lot of pictures and some words. Or you could watch my show on Sumo TV that is the best thing since Genital Herpes. Catch it every Friday night at 11pm on Sky channel 144.