Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark Goes From Bad To Worse As Actor Crunches Bones

Stan Lee must be spinning in his specially-dug-grave-for-embarrassing-situations right now. Why? Because Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark is doing its darnedest to take massive great turds all over the legacy of one of the most famous superheroes ever.

From the curtain opener that saw sets not assembled properly, actors hanging limply in the rafters and more, we now have the story that one of the stuntmen of the show nearly died after plummeting to the ground like a pig kicked from a plane with a parachute made of anvils.

And of course, this is all very funny solely because U2 are involved and as we all know, Bono is a gargantuan ball bag of impressive proportions.

Bono and The Edge (real names – who really gives a monkeys?) have written a score for the play which seems to be based on endangering human beings.

One actor fell 20 feet (or about 6 metres if you prefer) and apparently, it was down to human error according to the actors’ union. That, or the actor in question felt the whole thing was so dreadful that they’d try and commit suicide on-stage rather than continue with the unravelling farce that theatre goers have been enduring thus far.

The poor sod in question is called Christopher Tierney and is listed in not-very-funny serious condition.

One spectator said:

“Spider-Man was on a bridge, and Mary Jane was dangling from it.”

“I think he was meant to sort of swoop over there, but he just fell off. … The harness, you could see it just flick off his back and fly backward.”

“[Afterward] it just went black, and the producer came on and said we’re going to pause for a moment. You could hear Mary Jane weeping.”

After that, it appears that some people clapped awkwardly, not knowing what the hell they were supposed to do. Disapproving glances were thrown at one woman (presumably was a hecklerspray reader) who laughed mockingly at the whole debacle.

The finale of the show was to see the performer being wheeled away in a neck brace.

Show director Julie Taymor said the accident was

“obviously heartbreaking for our entire team and, of course, to me personally.”

“I am so thankful that Chris is going to be all right and is in great spirits. Nothing is more important than the safety of our Spider-Man family and we’ll continue to do everything in our power to protect the cast and crew.”

Apart from putting safety harnesses on properly of course. Maybe the assembled crew actually believe Spiderman is on-board with the project and on-hand to swing through the air to rescue plummeting actors before they hit the ground like a bag of spanners?

Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah! Bono and The Edge… most expensive show in Broadway history… ha ha ha ha… serious injuries to people with more talent than us… har de har har…

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  1. BEL says