Throughout the ages there have been pairings the world has always wanted to see. Pairings like peanut butter and chocolate, Princess Di and her foreign boyfriend, the five Voltron lions… you get the picture.
As much as we've wanted them, those desired double-ups have not always taken place. Sometimes though, if you truly truly believe, even the most random team-ups can happen – and so it is now. Since eighth grade we've been praying that the universe may see fit to lump Spider-Man, broadway & U2 all together in a great big beautiful burlap sack – and the infinite vastness has finally listened.
Granted, we've also been praying that the burlap sack would be attached to an iron anchor and sunk deep in the Snake River, but you know, you take what you can get. Did you catch that bit though? Spider-Man is about to become a great big dancey broadway musical, and the singing half of U2 are spitting out the tunes.
You can't write stuff that funny.
Spider-Man 3 is coming out pretty darn soon. Spider-Man 4 may or may not happen, but with news like we have today, we don't even need it. Please imagine that last sentence typed in a very sarcastic font. Or italics maybe. Spider-Man the musical this way comes. Playbill.com says:
"As previously reported, Julie Taymor will direct the forthcoming musical version of the Marvel Comics hero with music provided by Bono and The Edge of the band U2. According to the notice, Glen Berger — playwright of Underneath The Lintel and The Wooden Breeks — will join Taymor on the book. (Neil Jordan — of "The Crying Game" fame — had previously been attached.) Taymor consistent collaborator Matthias "Teese" Gohl ("Across The Universe," "Frida," "Titus") will serve as musical supervisor."
Superhero songs aren't all new to U2. They contributed Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me to the Batman Forever soundtrack, and Edge played the theme to a Batman cartoon. Plus they defeat evil all the time. The basic Spider-Man musical plot consists of Peter Parker finally defeating Doc Oc once and for all with tap shoes and jazz hands. What a fight sequence that will be. Exclamation point omitted.
Really exact details haven't been given, but a ridiculous open casting call describes a Spider-woman part:
"[ARACHNE] Female, 20-35 years old, any ethnicity. A beautiful, boastful young woman turned into a spider for her hubris and lack of respect for the gods. She subsequently appears to Peter Parker and the audience as in turn a powerful spider-woman who comes from another time to inspire Peter; an otherworldly lover; a bride; a terrifying (and sexy) dark goddess of vengeance; a dance partner in a charged and violent spiders dance of death; and, finally, a lonely, fragile young woman. Possesses an ethereal, unique, gorgeous singing voice. Strong Celtic, Balkan style, e.g., Sinead O'Connor. Outside the box ideas are welcomed. Could be someone from the music industry."
Did you read the dance 'partner' bit? If it's the fox-trot we can't freaking wait. Now let's say a really good dancer's what they want – we have just the woman in mind. Minus seven legs. Or so.