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Spider-Man 4 Coming To Ruin Your 2011

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

There are sequels that nobody wants to see and then there are sequels that nobody wants to see – and Spider-Man 4 is one of those sequels.

Despite Tobey Maguire not really wanting to make Spider-Man 4, Sam Raimi not really wanting to make Spider-Man 4 and an entire planet of people who've had enough time and money stolen already not wanting to see Spider-Man 4, Producer Laura Ziskin has announced that Spider-Man 4 will be released in May 2011.

Awful news, we know. But on the plus side Spider-Man 4 can't be any worse than Spider-Man 3 – that is unless someone decides to give Spider-Man a crime-fighting Scrappy-Doo style son and they go into space together to save the world from global warming and… no, wait, then it'd still be better than Spider-Man 3. No omelette scenes, you see.

Make a list of all the things you'd hate to see in a superhero movie. What's on it? Several extending singing and dancing numbers? A goodie who turns bad when he brushes his hair a certain way? So many villains that they only get about a nanoblip of screentime each? A mid-film interlude about how fun it is to dance the Twist and cook eggs at the same time? Congratulations, you've just described Spider-Man 3.

Spider-Man 3 stands as one of the most clueless big-budget studio movies of all time; a film where the writer, studio, director and each individual actor tried to make a completely different movie. Spider-Man 3 was such a mess that Kirsten Dunst said she didn't want to make Spider-Man 4 before it was even released, and then went off for a boozy little meltdown in rehab afterwards. And Kirsten Dunst was in Marie Antoinette, so she knows cack when she gets paid to star in it.

But even though Spider-Man 3 looked like a franchise-killer of Batman And Robin proportions, it's not over yet. Last week producer Laura Ziskin told cinemas that Spider-Man 4 is still going to happen, and it'll be released in less than three years too. Firstshowing reports:

Producer Laura Ziskin told theaters owners on Thursday that Spider-Man 4 is tentatively scheduled to arrive in May of 2011. Although rumors have been circulating surrounding both Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire's return, nothing is concrete yet. The farthest they've gone is to pay Marvel to secure the rights yet again, which is at least confirmation that they will continue.

There isn't a script for Spider-Man 4 yet, but one is apparently being written by James Vanderbilt, who wrote Zodiac (good) and a film that had John Travolta in it (bad). But however Vanderbilt's script turns out, it still can't be any worse than Spider-Man 3's for the simple fact that it wasn't written in purple wax crayon by a farting egg-fixated toddler.

And only then can discussions start seriously. If the script's good enough, Sam Raimi will direct it. If the money's good enough, Tobey Maguire will return to star in it. And if there's a trail of vodka miniatures leading from her house to the film set, we don't doubt that Kirsten Dunst will make an appearance as well.

Phew! If that happens, it'll be business as usual. Except, you know, Spider-Man 3 was business as usual as well, and that made us want to vomit blood into a bucket. And then drown ourselves in all the blood-sick. And then set ourselves on fire. 

So, yeah, more of that please.

Read more:

Spider-Man Will Return in 2011! But Do We Want Him To? – First Showing

Comments

  1. Jimmy Jones says

    June 24, 2008 at 11:56 am

    I dunno dude, I always thought the Spiderman series ROCKED! The last few have been excellent.JThttp://www.FireMe.To/udi

  2. Travis Brickel says

    June 24, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    One thing that will always amaze me is how big studios keep investing in a franchise despite negative criticism from their fan base.  Sure you cannot make every fan happy and eventually every franchise will fade away – thanks Jaws and Rocky.  However, the studios are like rats going barge to barge.  As soon as there is a sign of it sinking they jump off and ride the next one till it fails as well.  Remember the late 60’s early 70’s?  The studios took more risks and launched careers of some of the finest filmmakers.  Now, instead of making a good film the studios; and the once fine filmmakers; build a great marketing campaign.  After every trailer it should read – Not as good as advertised. 

  3. Mayor of Kentonville.com says

    June 24, 2008 at 5:33 pm

    BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

  4. Dee says

    June 24, 2008 at 5:51 pm

    i mean spiderman 3 had mixed reviews. It all depends on your opinion. I actually thought it was the best of the three. So i don’t know if it was as bad as this guy is saying.

  5. ironman58 says

    July 3, 2008 at 5:10 pm

    i dont know about that guy trashing the spiderman movies but i thought that they were all good films, i hope they make a fourth movie.

  6. Charlie says

    July 5, 2008 at 7:15 pm

    Whoever wrote this blog us a moron the spiderman series is great so screw you…..

  7. v3n0m1821 says

    July 8, 2008 at 12:10 am

    wtf r u guys talking about sp3 sucked ass, im a a serious 100% marvel and especially spidey fan, venom looked like a faqqot black carnage, and hob goblin…oops my bad i meant green goblin 2… which was never in the effing comics!! so eff you sam raimi, if i were the marvel studios, i’d regret making you the director… you sucked!! how hard was it too make goblin look like goblin in prt 1 and oinly doc ock and sandman were perfect, plz make a 4th buiut new cast and crew, the only ones that should stay is J.K Simmons, and Tobey mcguire, thats it… effing idiot, you ruined every fans dream of a perfect spidey film since 2003… eff you raimi

  8. Josh says

    July 10, 2008 at 3:58 am

    am I the only one who noticed that the spidey films are completely different then the comics in a bad way. I mean not using web cartridges? come on. that’s one of the main things in spider-man – he’s always running out of web during a battle. that also takes away the main point of the black suit which provides unlimited webbing. And also..WTF was the point of sandman killing uncle ben? that takes away the whole reason for spider-man even being spider-man – to fight for justice for uncle ben because of the guilt for not stopping his killer. I am a diehard spidey fan, but I enjoy the animated series and comics more then the movies simply because of all the changes.

  9. Ryan says

    July 13, 2008 at 3:20 am

    Ok, so I don’t know why on Earth anybody could think like this guy at all. I know pretty much everything there is to know about Spider-Man, and the 3rd was pretty much the most accurate. Yes, Spider-Man definately has like 5 people out 2 get him at all times. Yes, Harry became the 2nd green goblin in the comics. Idiots like this need 2 shutup & actually read a comic every now & then. Yeah ok, Sandman didn’t kill uncle Ben, but that’s it. Maybe you guys should get the sand out of your vaginas & go yell about the Harry Potter movies or something

  10. Toko says

    July 13, 2008 at 10:53 pm

    guys, you haven’t watched sm3 properly, because at the end it turns out that it is that thief pushed sandman and it’s the thief’s fault… so there you go. no change there…. i think firts is great, second is greater and the third is the greatest. can’t wait to see 4 and 5… i hope they DON’T change Sam and Tobey…

  11. Rage says

    July 14, 2008 at 6:17 pm

    Toby Maguire looks constipated in every shot, oh and Mary Jane (Dunst) she just looks bored. I’ve seen all three, they get worse, longer and waste more of my time. I will watch the 4th, mostly because I want to how they can stink it up more. So far my fav. is how “bad” spiderman was really just a jackassed nerd that went crazy with a blow dryer, had bad dance moves and DEMANDED cookies with nuts. He is so hard core. Can’t wait to throw up in my mouth a little again.

  12. tommy says

    July 18, 2008 at 6:25 pm

    WTF are you talking about Spiderman-3 WAS THE BEST ONE.THIS GUY MUST BE ONE OF THOSE ASSHOLES WHO JUST HAS TO PUT SHIT DOWN

  13. KiLl jOy says

    July 21, 2008 at 4:20 am

    OMG!Whoever wrote this…your fing awsome i love you!EVERYTHING you said was trus especially the part about throwing up blood(which I did just with undigested food though)

  14. declan says

    July 21, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    I don,t know how that guy can say that spidey 3 is rubbish, I think it is the best spidey so far!!

  15. gir says

    July 21, 2008 at 5:14 pm

    If you think Spiderman 3 was any good at all you are severely retarded.

  16. MadMan says

    July 25, 2008 at 3:44 am

    u have no clue wat ur talking about dude. spiderman 3 was good, u are completely wrong. the only people who didnt like it were jewish people. And maybe u should get ur facts right before u make bad jokes. oh and the green goblin 2 was in the comic V3nom. so suk it.

  17. carlos says

    July 25, 2008 at 9:38 am

    I think spiderman 3 was fine the part i dident like was whan tobey was acting gay

  18. gir says

    July 25, 2008 at 1:17 pm

    Why did the Jews hate Spiderman 3? Is there some connection between the Nazi interpretation of the Nietzschean ubermensch and the “man as becoming” thematic elements present in Spiderman?

    Or are you just some white trash faggot whose cousins should have never conceived you?

  19. wannas says

    July 26, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    Thank God Spider-Man 3 has finally gained a common consensus that it sucked balls. I was so disappointed by that movie, it just couldn’t have been worse. I’ll be surprised if the 4th Spider-Man isn’t close to as bad and draws in less revenue that it costs to make.

  20. Searon says

    August 6, 2008 at 8:36 am

    hey, im on both sides here. but the spiderman series are good movies, fun to watch. but, they aren’t spider-man, nor peter parker. everything is wrong. 3 is a good movie i thought, but too many villians. peter acting retarded thinking he was cool was dumb, i pretty much walk out of the room at that part cuz of how ridiculas it is.
    overall not bad.
    however, i think they need a new actor for spider-man. tobey isn’t cutting it. he’s not acting like the real spider-man.
    i actually can’t wait until the company taking spider-man ends it’s contract and new marvel filming can take over, have you seen Hulk and Iron Man, now those are marvel movies.
    but back to the point. wat do you remember most about spiderman? the comics, the cartoon, the games?
    his dry, dumb, yet funny sence of humor.
    dont get me wrong toby cna play one hell of a geeky peter. but when it comes to spider man.
    not once have i heard any dry humor that the character should portray.
    either new actor, or teach toby some lessons on how to play as spiderman in the suit.
    one example is if you’ve played Marvel Ultimate Alliance, the begging scene i LOVE.
    it plays all the characters so well (it is marvel game so duh)
    but Captain America cutting ppl with shield.
    Thor flying with hammer through ships.
    Wolverine jumping like a madman saying he doesn’t take orders slicing ppl.
    then spider man, jumps up on a ship says “this isn’t the staton fairy” and webs the guy throws him off, etc.
    jumps back down, wolverine is screaming and laughing like a madman on a ship that’s crashing with him on it.
    and spiderman goes to help captain america says
    “looks like you could use some… (captain kills them all by using shield as boomerang) .. help?”
    then as wolverine crashes down he says, “I don’t know about you, but that dude scares me sometimes”
    .
    that is the real spiderman. that’s how he talks. toby w/e doesn’t do any of this sort of thing which irritates us for not portraying the character correctly.

  21. Spidey Fan says

    August 15, 2008 at 3:04 am

    hey Searon how about you make the f’in movie and lets see how good you make it, no one cares about the comics because its all about the money and you’ll just have to deal with that

  22. Dominic says

    August 30, 2008 at 8:33 am

    IF YOUR THINK THE MOVIE IS BAD THEN DONT WATCH.
    Don’t post shit like this because you hate it, I hate the authors of those films that grabs all the recent movies and make a comedy.

  23. JV says

    September 2, 2008 at 3:51 am

    you all heard that raimi actually admitted he wanted to do a bad job with venom right.He said i brought nothing to the series and intentionally fucked up the 3rd film.I say new director and reboot the series.Mysterio kraven carnage the hunter fuck id even except a redone eddie brock buff the fucker out and pjut him back out there.The punishers doin it why not spidey

  24. Russel Nash says

    September 3, 2008 at 5:19 pm

    This story is stupid. I think Stuart Heritage’s column has ruined 2008.

  25. mkapcio says

    January 11, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    Lest all of you so called “fans” forget the fact that The Great Stan Lee (the creater of the comics to begin with) was co-writer on all Marvel movies. If you watched the bonus features of these movies you would actually know that Mr. Lee signed off on these movies to be the exact way he wanted them to be. So if you really have a problem with the way they were scripted or portrayed you aren’t really fans of Marvel. Stop B**ching and don’t watch them. Critics aren’t the GODS of movies. They are more often wrong then right about a movie. I personally never believe a critic about a movie until I see it for myself. I have found that they really don’t have a clue what makes a good movie.

  26. SelphieFairy says

    January 17, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    *I* wanna watch spider man 4!!!!

  27. Cloak says

    January 22, 2009 at 3:22 am

    mkapcia are you saying that we should just take whatever Stan Lee dishes out without questions? If so you really need a reality check and probably shouldn’t leave the house alone. I have a lot of faith in Stan Lee but I think that he was conned into that one. Watch some of his interview videos sometime and listen to what he actually says about the film looking back on it. You might be surprised. I really agree with this blog almost 100% except for the Dunst bashing. If you enjoyed the movie well that’s great. Yet looking at it from an objective point of view simple by the measures put forth in this blog the movie really did score pretty low. IMDB has it rated as a 6.5 from over 117 thousand votes. Which puts it .4 percent below Men in Black (17k less votes but only thing I could find with that many votes to compare with that low of a rating) which was produced back in 1997 and was honestly at least enjoyable to watch and laugh at. It was meant to be bad. Spiderman 3 was not. This is what people think not just big movie critics. Spiderman 3 was just plain painful to watch and is the only movie where I have ever seen so many people ask for their money back in utter disgust at a film. Anyway, if you enjoyed it well that’s great. For those of us who look for quality of acting, setting, and writing in a story we’ll hold our breath until someones ready to deliver on the things that made Marvel comics great and got us into them in the first place.

  28. naveed says

    January 24, 2009 at 6:05 am

    oh shit spiderman is my number 1 fan

  29. The one that knows says

    January 28, 2009 at 4:30 am

    Ok I have to agree on both sides as well…CGI parts of the movie where great…but the whole peter crying dancing part of the movie was really but really gay. I wonder if Raimi is gay. SM3 was disapointing just like superman returns…and we all know the director is gay on that one dispite the good work he did on X men 1 and 2. Ok Back to spiderman4 I would like to see a new cast and director…and def…Marvel should lead on this one…sony pictures is wack. I also agree that spiderman sarcasim has not been perfected in any of the movies. To bad that got what’s his name playing dead pool in Wolverine cuase he’s good at talking crap did ya see him in Blade 3? They after him as well for the role of Flash so I don’t think they’ll get him ever…plaus he don’t really look like parker then again tobey didn’t at first. I want cameos from other heroes on the spidey flicks to damn it. Marvel is ahed of the game…but DC set high standards with Dark knight…nolan is the man. Can Marvel keep up?

  30. 12av3k says

    February 2, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    I agree the third one could’ve been better (Spidey fights Venom for longer than 5 minutes). But the first was amazing in my opinion, and the second was pretty good! I wouldn’t go as far as to trash the whole franchise! I’ll be there for the 4th and 5th, hoping that #3 was a wake-up call to Raimi! Oh, and can’t wait to see Carnage!!!!

  31. Spideyluver96 says

    February 6, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!? I love all three of the Spiderman movies!!! I can

  32. Spideyluver96 says

    February 6, 2009 at 6:44 pm

    oh and I will NEVER listen to this guy, EVER!!!

  33. spideyfan says

    February 17, 2009 at 10:03 am

    Quit effing, this is directed to the one’s who eff

    Spider-Man 3 sucked in watch 1 & 2, but in watch 3 I rated it 8.5/10 instead of 5.5/10. Time No.4 I just ignored the movie cause I didn’t want to be bothered watching it

    Spider-Man 1 & 2 are great

    In some news “Sam Raimi” wants to finish the series with Spider-Man 6, in others from where this guy got his informations “Sam Raimi” is tired of directing Spider-Man, never beLIEve the internet

    Spider-Man made the best SuperHero Video-Games, animated shows & Comics, but great movies not the best, SPider-Man is my favorite super-hero but if I was Marvel Editor ‘n Chief I’d close Spider-Man division

  34. infamous(ballin out da gym nigga) says

    February 17, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    funny thing is that everyone that replied to this actually likes the series…this guy is stupid…i loved the spiderman series an cant wait for the 4th an 5th……and toby mcguire never said he didnt want to make more…he just didnt want to come bak if dunst an raimi didnt want to come bak…get yo facts str8 nigga

  35. Sean says

    February 22, 2009 at 4:17 am

    This guy is an idiot

  36. bobby says

    February 23, 2009 at 3:55 pm

    Spider Man 3 was a cluster f*&k. Spider man was actually gay in it if you didn’t notice. He walked around in public like a faggot. also there were no bad guys till the end. The sandman was just a clumsy idiot, and the orange goblin sucked. The only good fight scene was at the very begging and it was too short. The venim story was wrong and he needed to be way more of a bad ass and shouldn’t have been killed in his first appearance. the movie sucked if you liked it your an idiot!

  37. whocares says

    February 26, 2009 at 1:29 am

    Venom didn’t die, couldn’t have because we saw eddy jumping into venom ><
    he survived

  38. Essence says

    February 27, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    “There are sequels that nobody wants to see and then there are sequels that nobody wants to see – and Spider-Man 4 is one of those sequels.”

    Speak only for yourself. You sound like a fool when you try to have an opinion for 6+ billion people.

    Seriously, i can understand a point of view from people who have ‘been part of’ an original series and witnessed it being massacred by companies out for profit. I HATED what they did with the Resident Evil movies because i’ve been a fan since the RE1 Mansion Demo back in ’96 or ’97. But i will say that the second movie was awesome and somewhat close to the storyline of the game.

    They did the same damn thing with Ninja Turtles back in the early 90’s. If i remember correctly, April O’Neil was not actually a reporter in the comic, but some kind of computer specialist? The new TMNT cartoon is supposedly based more on the actual happenings of the comic. But back then, who cared? Ask ANY kid that grew up in the 90’s what April’s profession was and they’ll say “reporter”. The movies and old cartoons were awesome and only the fans of the comic shit-talked the scenario.

    Spidey movies are awesome i think. Yeah, Tobey goes WAY stupid over the line with that emo scene in #3, and he’s kinda goofy in the movies. The storylines don’t match up exactly to the comics. But hey, the action is pretty badass. And for those who have no idea of what really happened in the comics, the storylines seem like first-timers that noob spidey fans can enjoy.

  39. nanja X says

    March 4, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    YOU ARE ALL!!! LOOOOOOOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  40. Nick says

    March 5, 2009 at 1:01 am

    I admit 3 isn’t perfect, but how about you all admit that part of you is only bashing the third installment of the franchise (and any future installments) because it’s become “cool” to do so. You’re tools.

  41. ben says

    March 13, 2009 at 6:32 am

    I personally am a huge spiderman fan, and venom is one of my favorite anti-heroes. The portrayal of him in spiderman 3 was way off, let alone the casting call on that. Sam Rami is a horrible director for this movie line, even michal bay could do better. These are comic book based movies and do not need to have such a “realistic” view to them. I am not looking forward to this movie and will most likely wait until it comes out on tv to watch. I agree with the author of this article.

  42. the guy says

    March 14, 2009 at 10:55 pm

    It seems to me there are a lot of trolls on here. Half the people says that SM3 blew chunks and that anyone who thought it was good is gay; half the people say that SM3 was the best and anyone who bashes it is gay; and the other half admits that maybe SM3 wasn’t the best movie ever but that everyone else is gay. So here is my take on the trilogy:

    SM1 & 2 were both good, I’m not sure which I like better. However, the 3rd one sucked (how it ever broke any box office records is beyond me). I am a huge fan of Venom, and when I heard the casting choice, I was like “Topher Grace?! WTF?!” I’m not one to make a movie-going decision on a knee-jerk reaction, and I decided to give the movie the benefit of the doubt because a lot of the Marvel and DC movies have surprised me recently. However, I (as well as my girlfriend’s 11-year-old) felt ripped off. There was no development of Venom whatsoever. I think Topher Grace is a decent actor, but he didn’t pull it off.

    I’m not sure I’ll see SM4 in the theaters, I’ll have to wait for some reviews to make that decision. And even though only one of the three sucked (my opinion), I am leaning towards a reboot, or at least a backstep. Venom is supposed to be SpiderMan’s most dangerous enemy, not one that can be dispatched (killed) easily in 15 minutes. I like the idea of building up a character, even if it is across movie parts (like the Goblin 2 and Lizard). But the 3rd had three enemies, only one of which was built up at all (Goblin); the other two were totally rushed. So I hope the 4th has at most two villians.

    Anyway, keep Tobey, J.K., and Rosemary, dump the rest. If Sam Rami doesn’t want to direct, don’t push him; I would rather a director who’s interested than one who’s not. (See if Peter Nolan will do it, now that guy can make a superhero movie.) And if Venom is going to return, get Howie Long (FOX NFL announcer) to play Eddie Brock, because that’s like the perfect casting for the character right there.

    Also, you are all gay.

  43. kris says

    March 27, 2009 at 4:07 am

    u guys suk dik
    sp3 was a good movie
    and the guy who mentioned harry potter
    those movies are pretty cool too
    but 5 suked
    anyways im not gonna argue any further….
    neways..stop suking dik

  44. Gir says

    March 28, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    Your pathetic.

  45. chris web says

    January 12, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    DUD WTF !!!! wat the hell you on ???? spiderman 3 was asum !!!

  46. Joe says

    February 12, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    shut up you puke.

  47. aileen says

    June 14, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    look i really am a great fan of tobey and i wish you can just do spiderman 4 , think about your fans tobey maguire , people love your great work and nobody would have done it any better like you

  48. lee brandin detroy says

    September 28, 2011 at 4:22 am

    i want tobey to be spider-man in spider-man4 the movie in 2011 ,but want him to be as spider-man green spiderred blue and black and scarlet spider-man and insulated spider-man in the movie, and with bruce campbell as mysterio in the movie,yes,do it,marvel,… and with wielem dafoe as big bad green goblin in the movie, yes,do it, marvel, and with james franco hobgoblin in the movie ,and with emma roberts as big grown big breasted she venom aka ultimate she venom ,yes,do it, marvel, and i think that will be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo great for 2011, sounds kinda rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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