Spider-Man 3 Still Box Office Number One, Despite Being Rubbish

When Spider-Man 3 was released last week, it was inevitable that it would do big business at the weekend box office - but it's something of a surprise that Spider-Man 3 is still top of the weekend box office by a huge margin this week because, well, because it's crap.

This means one thing and one thing only - that if you use more money to make a film than anyone else in history and then internationally market that movie aggressively enough, most people will go and spend a bunch of their hard-earned cash seeing it. Even if it does go on for too long. Even if all the critics have already called it disappointing. And even if part of that movie does involve Kirsten Dunst making an omelette while dancing the Twist. At the same time. For no reason. The Twist. Kirsten Dunst. The Twist. For the love of humanity people, what's wrong with you?

So Spider-Man 3 is still the top movie at the weekend box office - pretty good for a two and a half hour film about that weedy-looking bloke from Seabiscuit dressed in a leotard having a fight with some sand. Of course, we're deliberately underselling Spider-Man 3 to you for nothing more than a cheap laugh. In actual fact, Spider-Man 3 is about that weedy-looking bloke from Seabiscuit dressed in a leotard having a fight with some sand… while Kirsten Dunst sings a bunch of appalling songs and complains a lot. Why anyone didn't this as the money-spinner it so clearly is earlier is beyond us. Here's the US weekend box office top five…

1 - Spider-Man 3 (The continued weekend box office success of Spider-Man 3 means that for a second week running, America's most asked question is "Why didn't that fucking butler come forward and say that at the end of the first film? It really would have saved an awful lot of aggro. That butler was a fucking clown.") $60,000,000

2 - 28 Weeks Later (Where London gets over-run by crazed super-speed zombies for a second time in a row. Hopefully this time the zombies will have remembered to take out a) all the tourists, b) everyone who clogs up walkways on the tube when we're obviously in a rush and c) Jude Law) $10,000,000

3 - Georgia Rule (What? A film about three generations of females bonding and talking about their feelings a lot isn't as popular as a film about a million-strong army of zombies tearing people limb from limb while they're being firebombed from a helicopter? We'll be jiggered) $5,879,000

4 - Disturbia (Shia LaBeouf's next movie - a remake of Mrs Bixby And The Colonel's Cat with some of those USB battery things that recharge themselves through your computer) $4,807,000

5 - The Invisible (Readers, what would you do if you were invisible for a day? We'd hang around cinemas where this film was being shown and punch people on the back of the head as they walked to their seats) $2,202,000

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Weekend Box Office - Box Office Mojo