Spice Girls Slag Up Children In Need

Yup, it’s that time of year where the charity drive begins and we are made to feel guilty about how 'lucky' we are.

Children In Need makes raising money fun and leaves you with a genuine feeling that you’re doing something good. From having a bath in baked beans or doing a sponsored bungee jump, it’s all about having a good time. And it gives your mates the chance to laugh at you. This comes in contrast to people begging for your bank details for donations in rainy shopping city centres on your lunch break. Alongside a nationwide drive to raise money, there’s also a charity single. Shane Richie, Girls Aloud and S Club 7 have all done it before. It’s usually a sweet and innocent affair with a nice cuddly song and video. But this year, they've let the Spice Girls do it. In hardly any clothes.

It’s enough to make Pudsey go blind in the other eye.

Annoyingly, the Spice Girls had constantly threatened a come back for a number of years. First they would and then they wouldn’t. Various members of the so called band would say yes and others no. Even Nelson Mandela called for peace in the hostile situation and wanted to help cement their reformation. Sadly Buddha, Yoda, Bono and Kofi Annan weren’t available to join in the rally for them to get back together. 

In the time between The Spice Girls splitting and them coming as one irritating voice again, a lot had happened in their lives. All of the girls had released solo singles which to an extent were successful. A lot of them got married. Many of them got pregnant and invented some genuinely godawful names for their kids. We can all agree that the Spice Girls apart weren't very god. But now the Spice Girls are back together.

With a few gigs lined up, the Spice Girls are set to make a mint and with a rubbish-looking Best Of cash-in album out it’s a sure way of conjuring up something out of nothing. So using a charity event as a potentially career-boosting opportunity does come across a bit dodgy. But, whatever the ethics behind the decision, the Spice Girls have made their comeback single Headlines, and given it a video that's either a misplaced stab at 'sexy' or a heartbreaking essay on the agony of the human ageing process…

Really, is there any need to see the Spice Girls ponce around in so little clothing? No not really, and quite frankly we don’t want to see Geri Halliwell's bulging ribs at all, in case we come home from the pub on Friday, see the video on Children In Need, mistake it for a charity-drive campaign for little girls with premature ageing syndrome and donate all of our worldly possessions. Geri - either put some weight on before trying to look sexy or just put some clothes on.

With the whole point of the campaign aiming to help people who are in a pretty shit way, it would have maybe been more appropriate for them to perhaps visit somewhere where Children In Need money has been spent for the video? We don’t know, maybe seeing some better housing for kids or a youth club to keep children entertained after school? Hecklerspray mustn’t be on the same wave length.  

Instead of buying this rubbish single to do our bit for charity before using it as a drinks coaster, we think we might just sponsor someone doing genuine to raise money. Paying for footage of some old ladies wriggling around like they're in some sort of dodgy clothes-on porn film is just not our way of raising money for a worthy cause.

OK, well there was that one time…