Clearly, the United Kingdom has learned no lessons from Eurovision. We won’t ever win because people ‘vote’ enough for us through the year, buying our many exported pop acts. Eurovision is a chance for these countries to show rightful contempt for us and, of course, celebrate their own.
Instead of playing a sob story like we endure on the likes of The X Factor and the like, we have started sending known acts in the misguided hope that they’ll pick up votes. Blue deservedly bombed thanks to being one of the most odious collections of men since Mugabe put a 5-a-side team together.
And next year, it looks like we’re set to send more pampered divs to the slaughterhouse as it appears that the Spice Girls will be going to Eurovision in 2012.
That’s right folks! The people who once sang the beautiful line “yellow man in Timbuktu” are all set to reunite for Eurovision 2012, which will be held in a place called Baku.
If we could remember who won the last one or had any sense of geography outside of our disgusting hovel, we’d tell you where that was. In all honesty, no-one really cares do they? It’ll be on the television and feature awful hosts and VTs of stupid local traditions like folk dancing and punching storks.
It’s wonderful.
And who is stupid enough to come up with this harebrained idea? Geri Halliwell of course! She’s put up a proposal to reunite the girls, and join the show, despite the fact that Victoria Beckham is very wealthy and can’t sing for shit.
Oh! We’ve just remembered! Azerbaijan won didn’t they?
You’ll all sleep easier tonight knowing that. Unless, of course, you’re kept awake with the horror image of an ageing Geri Halliwell gyrating for Azerbaijani cameramen in her ill-fitting Union Jack dress.
Blecch.
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Cookie Monster says
If you folks over there extended the competition to the Commonwealth, Canada could enter Celine Dion, Australia could enter Midnight Oil, and India could enter… uhm… the Really Spicy Girls. Then, the tide of desiccated shit would be back in the Empire’s favour.
Cookie Monster says
I forgot to point-out that The Spice Girls are going to take this thing. They are bringing-back their sixth member, Yoko Ono. She is British by way of having sired Ringo McCartney’s offspring with her very loins (which I’m told is the quickest way to a British passport). Her Azerbaijani is impeccable.
SpiceFan96 says
Wow. You guys are complete assholes. Can you sing? Could you EVER do a thing they’ve done? What have you accomplished in your pathetic lives that warrants you to come onto this “website” and berate people you don’t know and put down what they could do? It’s people like you that have driven their success from day one. Give them more fuel for their fire because at the end of the day, you are nothing but piss ants to them whose money buys all those things they have that you can only wish you did. I’d like to see your dumb ass enter and see how far you get. Probably not past registration. For the record, I would vote for them and I know millions of their other fans would.
spicemart43 says
i would vote for them to im a massive fan never get bored of watching there dvds or listening to there cds 9 number ones they must be able to sing they dont sell over 70 million records world wide for nothing but i wouldnt enter them for eurovision they dont need to there far to good for it and even if they did enter they wouldnt win neither would take that or any other big brittish band no one likes us brits to all those haters try listening to them on you tube there great and im not young either
Cookie Monster says
This is a somewhat concise, but wonderful, example of hero-worship. Well done, piss ant. May the piss be upon you, and you’re billion brethren. Keep repeating, “blindness is bliss; they are unto us great; I am better than those who hate”.
Mangosta says
This is like being present at the birth of language.
And the death of punctuation.
Jamie Ainscow says
Celine already won it, for Switzerland. I wonder if she’d come back? Australia could enter – they’re allowed under the rules…. And, before anyone says – you don’t have to be European country to enter.
Oh – who will enter for us? Ireland look likely to have Jedward again – dread the thought.