Clearly, the United Kingdom has learned no lessons from Eurovision. We won’t ever win because people ‘vote’ enough for us through the year, buying our many exported pop acts. Eurovision is a chance for these countries to show rightful contempt for us and, of course, celebrate their own.
Instead of playing a sob story like we endure on the likes of The X Factor and the like, we have started sending known acts in the misguided hope that they’ll pick up votes. Blue deservedly bombed thanks to being one of the most odious collections of men since Mugabe put a 5-a-side team together.
And next year, it looks like we’re set to send more pampered divs to the slaughterhouse as it appears that the Spice Girls will be going to Eurovision in 2012.
That’s right folks! The people who once sang the beautiful line “yellow man in Timbuktu” are all set to reunite for Eurovision 2012, which will be held in a place called Baku.
If we could remember who won the last one or had any sense of geography outside of our disgusting hovel, we’d tell you where that was. In all honesty, no-one really cares do they? It’ll be on the television and feature awful hosts and VTs of stupid local traditions like folk dancing and punching storks.
And who is stupid enough to come up with this harebrained idea? Geri Halliwell of course! She’s put up a proposal to reunite the girls, and join the show, despite the fact that Victoria Beckham is very wealthy and can’t sing for shit.
Oh! We’ve just remembered! Azerbaijan won didn’t they?
You’ll all sleep easier tonight knowing that. Unless, of course, you’re kept awake with the horror image of an ageing Geri Halliwell gyrating for Azerbaijani cameramen in her ill-fitting Union Jack dress.
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