If you wanted to listen to crap music on a loop for three continuous hours, you’d have a couple of options.
The most obvious choice is the entire back catalogue of Blue, although there’s also the Eurovision Song Contest. To anyone outside of Europe unfamiliar with the competition, it’s an excuse to laugh at rubbish musical from other cultures.
This year there were all sorts of strange and unique acts. Belarus decided to send in the Lady Gaga inspired outfits on a horribly downscaled Primark budget for their butterfly song. As you’d imagine, when the ballad kicked in, the ladies grew wings! Truly inspirational – unlike the UK who decided that they’d get Pete Waterman to come up with a song that could soundtrack a funeral. But taking the title of most surreal moment of the night went to Spain. Not for the creepy circus dancing, but for the comedy stage invasion. Watch, after the jump.
In the 30 or so seconds that this stage invader came into the living rooms of 120 million people, it made the biggest impact of the whole night. More so than the Welsh boy who somehow sang for Cyprus. If they had to reach out to Wales for a singer, we’d hate to hear their homegrown talent:
Most people didn’t realise there was a stage invader. Because the backing dancers did all sorts of weird modern dancing, he fitted in perfectly. The only thing that gave him away was his non-metallic wanky-looking clown outfit. Other than that, he could have continued to dance like a loon and we’d have all been oblivious.
The people who were meant to be onstage did an impressive job of ignoring their unwanted visitor. Of course, this added to the illusion that he was meant to be on there to wave his arms around like a raver who’d accidently gone to a chill-out room instead of a sweaty dance arena.
The mystery man gracefully jumped off the stage when security came. Instead of taking a beating in front of the cameras, he simply jumped into the crowd who probably thought that Eurovision had become hardcore in a matter of seconds.
But the sad truth about the whole event? It was the second song in the contest. After that, it all went according to plan with all sorts of crotch-thrusting antics to get all us geared up for an evening where we all suddenly realised that it was a bank holiday weekend and it should have been a time spent with friends getting annoyed over the crap weather or dying of food poisoning from a ropey bbq.
Watch out America, you’ll be next. With your billion or so states, somebody like Simon Cowell will no doubt exploit the competition to you all. And we wouldn’t want that to happen. It’s bad enough we gave you Hugh Grant, The Spice Girls and Piers Morgan.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Shame you didn’t understand the lyrics! It lends itself to a hilarious interpretation.
Don’t worry about America. None of us care enough about the state borders to make them worth waging a song contest over. With the possible exception of Texas.
And a continental contest would pit us and Canada against all of Latin America, who presumably would send Latin American music, and would not be the least bit interested in our contributions (and vice versa).
There is a bit of an underground movement brewing to at least get the performance portion of the ESC final televised in the US. Most Americans who see it (without first being told how ghastly it is) are absolutely enchanted by it, and don’t understand why everyone in Europe claims to hate the music so much. (The costumes are another story.)
But most Americans haven’t seen it. They’re completely unaware that there is such a thing as Eurovision. We have this vague idea that Abba got their start by winning … something. As for the rest of it … Bucks Who? Dschinghis What?
We have Sarah Palin and the Tea Partiers to provide some of the same sort of comic relief year-round. The only trouble is, they’re armed.
Eurovision has nothing to do with music, it’s a means of stroking national egos. Countries that still preserve standards of taste dropped out ages ago, for example, Italy, hm.. who else?