You know that golf buggy with a picture of Michael Jackson dressed as Peter Pan daubed across the bonnet you wanted?
You’ll have to make your own. Also, that gigantic collection of tiny ceramic naked children? It looks like you’ll have to find something else to scatter around your house to horrify your friends and neighbours. That’s right – Michael Jackson’s memorabilia auction has been cancelled.
But don’t get too downhearted. This is Michael Jackson, remember – the auction will be back on just as soon as he spunks away his comeback fortune on 40 giant marble vases that look like mermaid elephants.
We’ve never been this angry at Michael Jackson. Never. Not during the kiddy-fiddling trial, not during his repeated failure to record and release a new album – we weren’t even this angry at Michael Jackson when The Wiz turned out to be substandard and largely directionless.
Why are we so angry? Because the one thing we wanted – the one thing we wanted more than anything else in the world – was that giant oil painting of Michael Jackson standing next to Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln and ET where everyone’s wearing aviator sunglasses in homage to Michael Jackson’s obvious genius. And now we can’t even buy it. You’re a wanker, Michael Jackson. A funny-looking wanker.
You see, now that Michael Jackson has signed up for his comeback residency in London – apparently set to include new songs, probably about 20 cancelled shows and more animal abuse than you could waggle a stick at – he now has the funds to pay auctioneer Darren Julien to stop the imminent sale of his personal items. And a good thing too – we believe it was the Aborigines who said that a man loses his soul the longer he’s kept away from the giant robot head prop that was built for his immensely foolish Moonwalker vanity project. Reuters reports:
“The auction isn’t going to take place. We wanted to reach an agreement (with Jackson) and we have reached one today that is mutually acceptable and beneficial,” Julien said. Julien said all the items would be returned to Jackson when the exhibit closes… He did not say how much Jackson had agreed to pay under Tuesday’s settlement but added; “We are very happy. We are happy because he is happy.”
It’s bittersweet news for sure – on the one hand, this is a sure sign that Michael Jackson has put his financial troubles behind him; but on the other hand it’s a sure sign that Michael Jackson has enough to money to build another unnecessarily massive house, deck it out like a nightmarish abandoned fairground, employ a monkey to be his best friend and most trusted confident, befriend the latest childstar of the day and embark on so many experimental surgical procedures on his own face that he ends up looking even more like a meerkat version of The Scream than he does already.
Bittersweet? What are we talking about? This is brilliant from start to finish. Well done, Michael Jackson. We have the number of several reliable monkey shops should you need them.
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Daph says
Dude, you’re an ass… enough said.
LS says
well, this looks like the most rediculess peace of writing that I’ve ever seen. Dude if you would find him soooo stupid and wrong, why write such an article about him? Ok he’s not the most ‘normal’ guy in the world but his style is unique. He’s the greatest entertainer of all time. And ok all of his actions (exept the trials) are surely marketing strategies and they always work! This man knows how to make publicity and well thats also why he’s the king of pop, the most stunishing and known man on earth. Exept for those false accusations he has done only good to all of the world and especially to children and 3rd world contries. And those animals that lived with him, sorry but they lived like kings. In the jungle they had to fear for their lives but with Mike they got all they wanted. Sorry but this guy is maybe different but he’s one of the few GOOD people in this world.
jfig says
You are a ass!
MikeS says
You’re a stupid dumbass,
MJ is not only the worlds most biggest legend to ever set foot in the planet, he’s a great talent also.
He’s not a pedo or whatever, he had a camera in his face since he was 7 Years old.
this article is gay and biased, and so are you. Mofucker