Sophie Reade Wins Big Brother – Oh, At Least Pretend To Care
Without question, Big Brother 2009 will be remembered for one of three things.
It could be remembered as the Big Brother that nobody cared about. Or it could be remembered as the Big Brother that was won by Sophie Reade, 2009’s obligatory thick blonde girl with big knockers. Or it could be remembered as the Big Brother where Davina McCall turned up to the final in fancy dress and nobody really understood why.
But whatever. On Friday night Sophie Reade emerged triumphant as the winner of Big Brother 2009. So that’ll be the last that anyone hears from her, then.
The best way to judge the quality of a Big Brother series is to look at how successful the winner became after leaving the show. For example, Craig Phillips from the first Big Brother released his own Christmas single, which meant that his series was of moderate to good quality. Then there was last year’s winner Rachel Rice, whose name people had completely forgotten by the time her celebratory firework display had ended, which meant that her series was almost universally woeful.
And don’t forget Brian Belo, who could most recently be seen vomiting a raw egg into a party hat which, based on the rules that we just laid out, meant that his series of Big Brother was a historic moment of televisual excellence. Don’t argue with fact.
Anyway, all this means that the quality of Big Brother 2009 now rests firmly on the shoulders of Sophie Reade, who was declared the winner on Friday. Sophie – who about three of you might know better as Dogface – beat the likes of The Gay One, The Other Gay One, The Other Other Gay One and The One Who Seemed Like He Should Be Gay But Apparently Wasn’t to secure the Big Brother title. And it’s easy to see why.
Because Big Brother is all about the journey, isn’t it? And Sophie had the biggest journey of all – she entered the Big Brother house as the skinny blonde girl with big boobs who everyone assumed would be thick, and she left it 93 days later as the slightly fat girl with big boobs who everybody knew was stupid. Honestly, you couldn’t make it up. Well, you could, but you’d be beaten unconscious for your tragic lack of imagination if you tried to.
So now is Sophie Reade’s time to shine. And in all seriousness, we think that she might end up doing quite well out of Big Brother. At the very least she could follow the paths of Imogen Thomas, Michelle Bass and Chanelle Hayes and become a set of tits for hire by the likes of Nuts and Zoo – but she shouldn’t let her career be dulled by a lack of ambition here. After all, none of those other girls actually won Big Brother and Sophie did. The world is her oyster now. She should aim for the absolute top.
That’s right – she should try and become a set of tits for hire for the ten-minute Television X freeview porno preview. We believe in you, Dogface!
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channel 4 got the winner they craved , channel 4 have set the bar so low i could step over it.big brother 10 was 93 days of absolute garbage . 24/7 live feed was the answer
What does it feel like to be such a sad bitter little man? Must be quite boring, so I’ll offer you a small piece of advice: If you don’t like it, don’t watch it, and definitely don’t write about it with your sub-par “journalism” skills.
Dear John
You may have missed the point of this website. The name ‘Hecklerspray’ is a clue – it’s not a fawning fan site, nor is it given to writing glowing reports of TV shows. If you only wish to read positive articles, head for ‘iloveeveryoneandeverythingintheworldeveromglollollol.com’
I trust that you don’t write comments on the Met Office’s site for concentrating too much on weather issues or on the website of the Conservative party for their obvious political bias?
You utter ninny.