There are three medical levels of depression – level one is where you listen to Joy Division, level two is where you emotionally identify with Joy Division and level three…
Level three comes when you get so weirdly enamoured with Joy Division that you suddenly decide that you have to own the gravestone of someone who was actually in Joy Division. Which someone did earlier this week.
Police are on the lookout for the thief who stole the gravestone of singer Ian Curtis from a cemetery in Cheshire on Monday night. Nobody knows exactly why anyone bothered to go to the effort of nicking Ian Curtis' gravestone, but police believe it's either the work of an obsessive Joy Division fan who wanted to be closer to his hero, or someone who needed to prop a window open or something. It has been quite hot lately, after all.
When we're showing people round our home, we always a bit embarrassed that we can't stop and say "And here's the gravestone of an iconic suicidal post-punk singer who hung himself close to 30 years ago. Nibbles, anyone?"
But there's one person who can – and they're, um, the person who stole Ian Curtis' gravestone earlier this week. Joy Division have always inspired an obsessive level of fervour in their fans, but previously nobody had bothered to worry about someone stealing Ian Curtis' gravestone because a) Ian Curtis has been dead for 28 years and it hadn't been stolen so far, and b) all Joy Division fans are basically ineffectual weaklings.
That's a level of complacency that's resulted in one disastrous consequence – by some flaw of genetics, one Joy Division fan has managed to uproot Ian Curtis' gravestone and make off with it, leaving Cheshire police slightly befuddled. The Times reports:
Police announced today that the theft occurred between Monday lunch time and Tuesday morning at Macclesfield Cemetery on Prestbury Road… A Cheshire Police spokesman said: “It's an unusual theft, it's probably a good piece of memorabilia for someone. There is no CCTV in the area and there are no apparent leads as to who is responsible for the theft.”
It's a bit sad that someone has defaced the grave of a man just for the sake of a slab of rock, but the story isn't without its upsides – for instance, the old gravestone featured the engraving 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' after the Joy Division song, which is kind of grim. Perhaps on Ian Curtis' replacement gravestone they can engrave the title of a chirpier song, maybe Shaddup You Face or The Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum).
One theory as to why someone chose now to steal Ian Curtis' gravestone is because of renewed interest in him following last year's biopic Control. If that's the case, then security should be doubled around Iggy Pop's gravestone before his biopic is released next year. Iggy Pop is dead, isn't he? He certainly looked it when we saw him on TV last week.
Anyway, we really can't see what all the fuss is about here – if the gravestone isn't on eBay by next weekend we'll be staggered.
Zombie Ian Curtis says
Great! Nobody suspects me.Braaaains! Braaaains!
The Dread Pirate Sausage! says
Touch My Bum.
Bless you all.
allie Division says
This has got to be THE WORST article i have ever read! obviosly you have never truely listened to Joy Division, or you would know what the rest of the worl see in their music. a masterpiece. this has disgusted me! i became a member of this site just so i could comment on this disgrace of an “article”. if you dont have anything nice or at least decent to say about JOY DIVISION really DONT SAY ANYTHING! there is no need for trash like this toi be on a website! this has disgusted me! i am and will forever be a JOY DIVISION fan.
irish gemini says
Okay enough said…allie has the headstone probably in some creepy basement on an altar dancing naked around it.