You know Tawny Kitaen? No? You mean you don't know who Tawny Kitaen is? Come on, she played Karen Malone in 1985 made-for-TV movie California Girls – and she was in the video for Here I Go Again by Whitesnake.
Anyone? Anyone know who Tawny Kitaen is? No, OK, us neither. All those facts in the paragraph above were borrowed from the Internet, and there'll be plenty more where that came from later. Anyway, Tawny Kitaen – and just to make it clear, we don't actually know who she is – has been arrested because police officers found 15 grams of cocaine in her house. And if that news hasn't affected your life in a very real, profound way then we're not sure you can be saved.
Probably the best way to describe Tawny Kitaen to people who don't know who she is – and we're guessing you probably don't – is this. Remember that Here I Go Again On My Own song that Glyn from Big Brother kept singing all the time? Well, in the video to that song, Tawny Roberts rolled around the bonnet of a car in a nightie. And then got married to David Coverdale from Whitesnake. And then divorced him. Wikipedia says that Tawny Kitaen has also been romantically linked with Tommy Lee, Jon Stewart, OJ Simpson and Jerry Seinfeld. That's good – today's news has been all about OJ Simpson and the racist guy from Seinfeld. If Tawny Kitaen manages to have it off with Elton John before the day is out we'll have a clean sweep.
So now you know who Tawny Kitaen is, it's time to hear about all the crazy shit that she's been getting up to lately. Ready? Tawny Kitaen has been arrested for having 15 grams of cocaine in her house. That's news, huh! E! Online elaborates on this woeful mess of a story:
Prosecutors said that the Bachelor Party bride-to-be is facing one count of possessing a controlled substance after police found 15 grams of cocaine in her apartment. According to Jim Amormino of the Orange County Sheriff's Department, deputies showed up at Kitaen's San Juan Capistrano apartment to perform a "welfare check" on her and her two daughters with Finley, Wynter and Raine. Police said that Kitaen was not under the influence of any drugs or alcohol at the time but that the children, ages 8 and 13, were home when officers arrived and found the cocaine.
Apparently Tawny Kitaen faces three years in jail for having the cocaine in her house, although it's thought if she signs up for rehab quickly enough she'll escape a serious punishment. Does any of this remind you of the time that Boy George got arrested for having cocaine in his house? That ended up with Boy George wigging out in a binman's outfit during his community service, so maybe Tawny Kitaen will have a similar fate. Great – a woman who we don't know simultaneously sweeping a road and screaming abuse at passers-by. She'd fit into hecklerspray's neighbourhood like an effing glove.
Read more:
Tawny Kitaen's Cocaine Rap – E! Online
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
She also played Deianeira, Hercules’s wife in “The Legendary Journeys”
I Know Julie, we went to Mission Bay High, in San Diego, already back then, She could do and did everything SHE wanted, she was simply a FOX at that time, so once again, great looking, any guy. Now look at her, I feel sorry for her. But Karma has a strange way of coming around, she was never really nice, except when she wanted something. Maybe time will change her????