Solange Proves the World Loves Crazy Bitches

craycray

In the past few weeks, Solange Knowles has gone from being Beyonce’s uglier, less talented sister, to being the Patron Saint of Crazy, thanks to her crackhead-esque attack on Jay Z. Well, apparently the theory that the public loves crazy bitches is correct, because Solange’s career is doing a lot better since she went all crips vs. bloods on her brother-in-law.

According to new reports that someone else looked up, because I couldn’t be bothered to, during the week ending in May 18, 2014 (the fight footage was released May 12th), her digital sales were up from 600 to 2,000! Apparently beating up on Jay Z will more than TRIPLE your digital sales!

 

After her epic beatdown on Jay, rumors swirled that Solange was pissed because Jay broke his vow to help with her musical career. So, Solange literally took matters into her own hands. Just like Wendy Peffercorn in “The Sandlot”, that bitch knew exactly what she was doing: if I beat up Jay Z, the public will be interested in me. If the public is interested, they might go see what I’m all about. They might want to see what my music is like.

Hell, Solange probably leaked that fight tape herself for publicity. I’m on to you, Solange!

However, Solange probably doesn’t realize the potential epidemic she’s started. Now every artist with weak album sales is going to be picking fights with Jay Z!

Jay will just be walking down the road and BAM! Ashlee Simpson throws a cup of coffee on him.

Jay is trying to have a nice, quiet dinner with Beyonce and BAM! Soulja Boy stabs him with a fork! (As if Soulja Boy could get into the same restaurant as Jay Z).

Jay Z needs to up his security because, thanks to Solange and her rocketing (if you could call it that) digital sales, every weak ass artist on the planet is going to be coming at him (with their fists) for help.

BE CAREFUL JAY!

watchyoself

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