Photos of what are claimed to be Nicole Richie's newborn baby daughter Harlow Winter have appeared online, giving away vital clues as to what she looks like.

And here's a newsflash – Nicole Richie's newborn baby daughter Harlow Winter looks like a bloody baby. Small? Check. Wrinkly? Check. Wearing a nappy? Check. Liable to scream and shit itself at the same time? Check.

Of course, we could be wrong and the pictures might not be of Nicole Richie's baby at all. For all we know Nicole Richie's baby could be nine feet tall, completely silent and as smooth as eggs. But, you know, she's probably not.

Now that Nicole Richie has given birth to a baby girl she'd do well to revise a lot of her old ways. For instance, every young mother knows that you don't drive into oncoming motorway traffic on drugs – your duty as a mother is to run red lights with your children onboard while holding a mobile phone a centimetre away from your face.

And Nicole Richie can't make money from showing her continual lack of any skill whatsoever in any field while driving round America with Paris Hilton now that she's a mother – she'll have to make do with the millions of dollars that glossy magazines will throw at her for the exclusive first look of her newborn baby.

Except that Nicole Richie probably can't do that either now.

Not now that photos of what are claimed to be Nicole Richie's baby girl Harlow Winter have been published online. According to reports, the pictures of Harlow Winter were taken by a friend of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden 30 minutes after she was born. If they're real, Nicole Richie can probably expect to have a couple of zeroes knocked off their magazine deal figure. But are they real?

How the shit are we supposed to know? The pictures are of a baby, which hardly narrows it down. Does the baby look like Nicole Richie or Joel Madden? No, it looks like a sodding baby. Come to think of it, Nicole Richie probably doesn't know what her baby looks like either. In fact, chances are you could put Harlow Winter in a giant tombola barrel with a hundred other babies, spin around for ten minutes or so and nobody would have any clue which were their babies without getting a DNA test.  

Admittedly that method would probably get you thrown in jail for the rest of your life, but if it'll help us make our point…

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EXCLUSIVE FIRST PICS: NICOLE RICHIE AND JOEL MADDEN'S DAUGHTER HARLOW!! – MediaTakeOut