Books are sacred things.
They're gateways into fantastic fictional worlds. They're informative and educational tomes, expanding the minds and imaginations of those who bury themselves within their pages. They're unique and quite wonderful cultural artifacts.
Which is why it unsettles hecklerspray when perfectly idiotic 'celebrities' find their way into a publishing boardroom and wind up unleashing some turgid pile of pap into the nation's Waterstones. Celebrities like Snoop Dogg.
Already we've had to suffer autobiographies by likes of Jodie Marsh ("Hello. My name is Jodie. I was born and I was shit. The end"), Victoria Beckham ("Hello. My name is Victoria. I was born and I was stupid. The end") and two volumes of Geri Halliwell's memoirs ("Hello. My name is Geri. In a sane and just world, I really really shouldn't have been born at all. The end").
And – even worse – the world of fiction is about to fall prey to this Heat-sponsored idiot parade. Word has it that stunningly pointless tit-witch Jordan has signed up to treat the world to two whole books of make-believe magic stories all thought up inside her special empty head.
She's not alone, however. In a move that literary experts are (probably) calling 'absolutely Christing baffling', hip-hop superstar and part-time porn-peddler Snoop Dogg is all set to publish his first epic in October.
The book apparently tells the story of:
"…a young man living the hard life in Southern California while struggling to make it in the world of hip-hop."
Kathleen Schmidt – one of the publishing execs responsible – waffled that:
"Snoop, by nature of what he does, is a storyteller. Books speak more to a female audience than does his music, so these novels give him an opportunity to show, particularly his female fans, another side."
The worst news? That this sure-fire masterpiece is only the first 'novel' in a series.
See you at the bonfire, everybody …
Read More:
Hip-Hop Star Snoop Turns Novelist – BBC News
[story by C J Davies]