Snakes Found In A Snakes On A Plane Cinema

Most people know what they want from a film; intelligence, tight plotting, a man writhing round an aeroplane toilet with a poisonous snake chewing on his penis screaming "Get off my dick!" And, outside of Jane Austin adaptations, Snakes On A Plane is the only place you'll find that last one.

But what would happen if real poisonous snakes were found in a cinema that was screening Snakes On A Plane? Most likely some tedious dimwit would ironically shout "I've had it with these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking cinema," and then sit around all smug until one of the snakes attacked his stupid throat. Either that or a cinema worker would calmly notify a snake-handler who would gather the snakes up and peacefully release them back into the desert, which is what actually happened when two Diamondback rattlesnakes were found in an Arizona cinema recently. But the first one just sounds better, doesn't it?

It's hard to know where to stand on Snakes On A Plane these days. There was the Snakes On A Plane backlash, then an ironic embracing of how bad the idea of Snakes On A Plane was, then another backlash when people realised that some people outside their little blogging community would be in on the Snakes On A Plane joke, then a backlash against the Snakes On A Plane backlash and now Snakes On A Plane is being discussed on Richard And Judy and we're all confused. But one thing's for sure - Snakes On A Plane sort of did quite OK at the weekend box office.

But you know what would make Snakes On A Plane even better? If actual live poisonous snakes were released into the cinema during each screening of the movie. Think of the excitement of it - snakes bursting out of popcorn bags and clamping onto people's tongues, snakes slithering around everyone's ankles without the audience knowing it, snakes with torches directing moviegoers to their seats… and then biting them. It would be insane. Or moderately off-putting at best. Just like it was recently when two Diamondback rattlesnakes were found in the AMC cinema in Phoenix, Arizona not so long ago. According to the BBC:

An AMC Entertainment spokeswoman said that one Diamondback rattlesnake was found inside the cinema in Phoenix, Arizona, and another in the car park. No-one was injured and the snakes were released in the desert, she said.

Just to make things even scarier - had the snakes actually been anywhere where they could have caused even the slightest amount of danger, at least - Russ Johnson of the Phoenix Herpetological Society says:

"The snakes' bit carries a powerful venom that could have seriously injured someone."

However, it all seems a little too coincidental that some snakes would go into a cinema where Snakes On A Plane was showing during the opening few days of Snakes On A Plane. Perhaps this is all just a marketing stunt - and if it is, it's obviously worked. Let's hope the trend catches on and The Wicker Man is marketed by a giant effigy of Nicolas Cage stuffed full of local villagers being snuck into cinemas and set alight every now and again.

Read more:

Real Snakes Found At Film Showing - BBC

[story by Stuart Heritage]