It was middle school, and he just wanted classmates to think he was carrying the thing around because he wanted to. After a while, not only could he play the instrument, but he could also write with it, eat with it, and use it to point his dinky in the general direction of the urinal. His uncle hated that the most.
That’s how Slash got so tough. His son, though, apparently has no means of becoming such a hardened brute. After all – he can’t even handle 80 or so snakes, so his dad had to kick them all out of the house.
When guitarist Slash isn’t busy kicking people out of bands and then talking about it for weeks on end he likes to spend his time reducing his son’s chances of being eaten by a snake. This is understandable as a snake’s stomach acids have been known to both chafe and burn.
Preventative measures taken included the life-long bandmember tossing his own pets. The slithering collection included boas, pythons, and possibly a 60″ clay statue of what Scott Weiland would look like without any bones. We heard it was even flatter than you’d think. Contact Music says:
“Rocker Slash gave up his collection of 80 pet snakes over fears the creatures would not make for a safe home environment for his first child. The Velvet Revolver star kept mostly deadly pythons and boas at his home but he realised it could be dangerous if one of the snakes got into his son’s nursery – so he got rid of them.”
Insiders with no direct connection whatsoever tell us that getting rid of his collection was the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. Google Earth street-view imagery even shows what we think are tears free flowing as the guitarist watches his eighty babies slither out of the pillow case, under the hole in his fence and into Pierce Brosnan‘s gaping fruit-cellar door.
Real tears we tell you!
Without the serpents to feed, it is unknown what Slash will do with the rats we heard he’s been raising in most of his kitchen cupboards, his dishwasher and a broken salad crisper. Using unbelievably complex mathematics that we’ve been able to master without ever even going to a class it can safely be deduced his next step is to see if rat-pelts have any value. If you can answer that for him, please let the man know directly via his email: [email protected]
Some sort of rat-fur pricing sheet would be great too.