It has got to be hard being a professional singer on the road day after day, performing to masses of eager fans that called in sick to work so they could get online the second your tickets went on sale and say to the envy of their friends “yeah, dude. Tickets sold out in like 32 minutes or something, and I got lower bowl seats,” and not to mention trying to find a decent place to go number two while travelling.

Having said this, we feel there are a few things that should not be done by professional singers such as a) wanting to perform with alleged child pornographer R. Kelly, b) peeing your pants on stage c) do meth, or d) cancel a concert halfway through the first song because of food poisoning, when you knew you were deathly ill in the first place and should’ve cancelled the concert before everyone made the effort to be there.

Could someone please pass this on to Fergie? Because that’s who this is really for. She’s done all of them. Especially that last one, because that’s what just barely happened.