Fame and politics are an age-old marriage – one that Jessica Simpson would also like to see head for splitsville. If that’s really her goal – which it isn’t, she should start a horrible rumour that fame slept with Johnny Knoxville while shooting a poorly written car movie. That method, we hear, is tried and true.

Jessica Simpson, being a megastar at the moment, is pretty appealing to politicians. They’d like her to show up to their political functions, and they’d like Simpson’s adoring public to see her at their political functions. Then Simpson’s fan’s warm feelings for her might transfer onto the political party, increasing it’s already sizable numbers exponentially. If only they realised releasing several grody albums in a row and repeatedly saying something bounced up into their undercarriage might accomplish the exact same.

Or they could divorce Nick Lachey for hecklerspray. We heard that’s what happened.

Jessica Simpson (CDs) has turned up her nose to George W. Bush – or
that’s how it’s been purveyed in the press anyway. It’s been said that
she was even offered a face to face meeting with ol’ G.W. – to lure her
to the Republican fundraiser, but she still refused the appearance.

Simpson was already going to be in DC that day to do some charity work for Operation Smile
- a non profit organisation that offers free plastic surgery to poor
children over seas who are facially deformed and ugly. Recently
made-up rumour has it that before the child goes into the operating
room, they are offered two choices for their future face: The Joan Rivers, or the Red-headed mother from Who’s The Boss? The kids almost always go with the Red-headed mother from Who’s The Boss?

Jessica Simpson claims the reason for her no-show was that her charity is
non-partisan, and she was afraid an appearance at a Republican
fundraiser would un-non-partisan Operation Smile’s non-partisan-ness.
One member of Simpson’s posse has been quoted as saying:

"It just feels
wrong, she would love to meet the president and talk about Operation
Smile … but she can’t do it at a fund-raiser for the Republican
Party."

There you have it. The snub was not a political statement. In fact, Jessica’s father Joe said regarding the President:

"We are huge fans of him and of his family, his girls. Jessica loves the heck out of him."

Very poetic, very fluid. Joe should consider taking over as
Simpson’s lyricist. Deck, speck, and wreck all rhyme with heck. We
just want a partial writing credit and a cut – that’s all.

When House Majority Leader John Boehner, was asked how he felt about Simpson’s absence he said:

"You know, I really feel like I got bagged."

Thesaurus.com lists several synonyms for Boehner’s chosen word bagged:
blind, blotto, boiled, bombed, boozed, buzzed, canned, crocked, dead
drunk, dizzy, drunken, fried, gassed, high, inebriated, jagged, juiced,
lit, lit up, loaded, looped, lushed, muddled, oiled, pickled, pie-eyed,
plastered, polluted, potted, shot, slewed, sloppy, sloshed, smashed,
stewed, stiff, stinking, stoned, swacked, tanked, tight, tipsy,
unsober, wet, wired, and zonked. 

We see where he’s going here – the Jessica Simpson-ites aren’t about to
politically sign up, so he’s shootin’ for the college crowd instead.
Boehner, that might just be crazy enough to work. Just don’t be
surprised when all the half-drunken sophomores start making
inappropriate jokes at your last name’s expense.  Boehner.

Read more:

Jessica Simpson passes on GOP fundraiser – SeattlePI 

[story by Shawn Lindseth]