Hecklerspray is generous, loving, giving, caring and considerate. We consider ourselves modern-day saints and are standing by our phones for the Pope to ring so he can make us all saints for the 2008 remixed version of the Bible.

We know when his holiness will ring as his personalised ring tone is Pulp’s Disco 2000. Everyone else in our phone book ring under various Shed 7 songs. But what makes us so generous? Well apart from giving gypsies the remains of our lunch on the way home from work we like to also paint messages on our hand like Chris Martin from Coldplay and preach bollocks to people that we don’t care about. But we’re not the only ones. Trouser-loving Simon Cowell has oddly stepped up to help the RSPCA stop animal cruelty.