Simon Cowell Stops Shayne Ward/Robbie Williams Smugathon

This beautiful green isle of ours is home to some of the greatest music ever produced. The Beatles, The Stones, The Who, The Kinks, Bowie… Bring us bang up to now, though, and look around you. A baron wasteland of TV rejects and failed karaoke singers from ailing TV sing-a-thons as far as the eye can see.

However, possibly the two most bile-filling, pointless media whores in the land are being kept at arms length. Simon Cowell - man of valour, trust and dignity that he is - has put the scuppers on a duet between Robbie Williams and X Factor winner Shayne Ward .

Simon Cowell, a man who gives off the illusion of fine pectoral muscles by
squeezing them together with his waist band, has vetoed the proposed duet between Robbie Williams (CDs) and Shayne Ward as he
is worried that Shayne will get "too big for his boots". Louis Walsh, on the other hand, is said to love the idea.

Obviously, it would be churlish of the folk in hecklerspray towers to
suggest that this was some kind of ridiculous media stunt encompassing hot young thing Shayne Ward, the UK’s biggest popstar Robbie Williams, Simon Cowell’s well-publicised spat with Louis Walsh and the new Duets show that Simon is preparing to launch on the world.

Oh no, it is probably more likely that the
troubled genius and publicity shy Williams dropped his trousers,
painted his genitals yellow, dangled them over the side of a dinghy as
bait, with Ward swimming alongside in an outfit designed to look like a
school of herring. Probably.

That all said and done, the news has been greeted by most with an
emphatic yawn, except of course by a leading red top newspaper that
fell upon the story with all the fervour of a crackhead on holiday in
Cuba.

So, hey, just to make sure this wasn’t just an opportunistic publicity stunt, help us get the placards out, let’s exercise our
right to rebel! WE WANT SHAYNE AND ROBBIE IN THE STUDIO! If only because it would just take one stray meteorite to wipe the both of them out if they’re standing close to each other.

Read more:

Duets? Don’t Do It, Shayne - The Sun

[story by Mof Gimmers]