The UK is a bad place to be living at the moment. Everything is going wrong from the government losing all the country’s information, dodgy political donations and Morrissey blaming everyone but himself for his racial slurs.

At times of crisis hecklerspray turns to music, but this time we can’t. We can’t get away from the X Factor at all. It’s splashed across our TV screens and advertised during ITV’s endless repeats of Midsomer Murders. Amazingly, last year’s X Factor winner Leona Lewis hasn’t faded into oblivion yet. In fact, she’s been plonked on top of the charts for six weeks now, with a song that we think is about about periods. Not only is Bleeding Love the best-selling single of the year, her album is also number one. Time to celebrate? No, we’d rather just crack Simon Cowell one for brainwashing ten-year-olds everywhere into buying songs about irrational female moodswings.