Simon Cowell has built up something of a reputation for speaking his mind – so when Britney Spears went berserk, shaved her hair off, wrote '666' on her head, called herself the devil and attempted suicide, guess what Simon Cowell did.
That's right – he publicly fretted about the mental well-being of Britney Spears and visited her in rehab with a lovely big bunch of flow… no, of course that didn't happen. What actually happened was that Simon Cowell lashed out at Britney Spears, saying that she was only being "fashionable" and that he "couldn't care less" about how many cars Britney Spears lances with an umbrella while claiming to be the fiery overlord of all that is evil. Basically Simon Cowell said exactly the same thing about Britney Spears as hecklerspray said yesterday, but in a camper voice and a pair of trousers pulled up to his armpits. And granny teeth.
Simon Cowell has made his fortune by basically sighing loudly and saying that all wannabe singers are awful wankers who may as well stuff their heads down a waste disposal unit for being such pointless wastes of skin. That's actually not much of an exaggeration – over the course of the last two seasons of American Idol, Simon Cowell has been branded homophobic and seemed to take a lot of enjoyment from mocking the mentally ill. So huge is Simon Cowell's capability for insults that he even fears for his own life a bit, although everything he says tends to be backed up by the claim that he's just saying what the public is thinking.
So, with that in mind, Simon Cowell has done you all a favour and voiced your own opinion on Britney Spears for you. Britney Spears – for those of you who are new – used to be a famous pop singer until she split up with her husband. At that point Britney Spears took her knickers off, used her mouth to blast jets of puke instead of sing, went a bit loopy and shaved off her hair, had a spaz-out on a car with an umbrella and went to rehab, only to scrawl the number 666 across her bald head and flail around the treatment centre screaming wildly about being the Antichrist before inevitably attempting suicide with some of her bed. And, this, according to The Mirror, is how Simon Cowell says you feel about Britney Spears' loopy breakdown – with a few potshots aimed at similarly rehab-bound Robbie Williams for good measure:
“It’s very fashionable to be in rehab. This whole thing is a total indulgence. Britney and Robbie need to get a grip. We’ve allowed these people to feel sorry for themselves. I don’t know what’s going on in Britney’s head but my attitude is I couldn’t care less. She should go back and live with her mum for six months… Pop stars these days just get too much too soon. They don't actually have to work that hard for it and they lose their perspective.I mean Britney Spears is not working in a coal mine is she? You are whisked to the studio in a very large limo, you are flown around in a private jet, everyone will agree with you and physically making an album is a doddle."
Now these comments are bound to draw ire from Britney Spears' angry remaining fans – who'll no doubt say things like "I hope Simon Cowell never has the misfortune to shave off his hair, paint the number 666 on his head and run around a room full of drug addicts screaming at the top of his voice about how he is actually God's arch-enemy and the most evil entity in all of creation before trying to hang himself with a bedsheet, because we'll be right here waiting" – and far be it for us to say that those people are wrong. But, Simon, there's a job here waiting for you at hecklerspray as soon as this whole being a millionaire TV superstar thing falls through, OK?
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Pedro says
he is sort of right, though, isn’t he? Britney has nobody to blame but herself here
Bon says
I hate Simon Cowell, but this is hilarious! Nobody deserves it more! Britney is a pathetic excuse for a person and she’s made herself fair game for this kind of humor.
E L WISTY says
Cowell, he speaketh the truth. You lot should interview him.
jz says
Simon speaks the truth but states the obvious which is sort of boring other than the fact that it’s slightly amusing. On the other hoof (Or fin whichever it may be), I really doubt Britney even cares what he thinks.. Oh, but it wasn’t to help her, it was for our amusement? lol
Mando UK says
Simon is honest as it gets …he speaks his mind and people hate him for that …lets face it Britneys look at me cry for help is pretty pathetic …shame britney didnt take a leaf out of her peer Cristina A;s book now thers one smart talent right there grow up britiney …shes tomorrows chip paper pretty soon…..
Angel Elf says
How can people be so heartless? It seems like they just love to kick a person when they are down or when they are going through a life threatening crisis. I feel for this woman. She is desperately crying out for help. But some people are making jokes about her just like they did with Anna Nicole Smith and her public meltdown. As the saying goes – just walk a mile in her shoes. I just hope that Britney gets the help that she needs so that she can straighten out her life and that she doesn’t wind up six feet under just like Anna Nicole Smith. Not only for her sake but for her little girl’s. It seems that when young people hit the big time early in life they can never be sure if the ones that are hanging around are there just to get a piece of them or that they are really friends. The pressure on this woman must be unbearable. She is hounded day and night by predators that just want to get a piece of her for their own selfish reasons. For her own good she should stay away from that other train wreck Paris Hilton. I just hope that she gets the help that she needs before she winds up six feet under. My heart bleeds for this girl.