Now that it’s April, we don’t have to remember anything about what happened at The Oscars, and it’s beautiful.

We don’t have to remember the winners. We don’t have to remember the forced stage banter. In fact, aside from the speech where Sandra Bullock praised her husband without realising that he’d been secretly boning a tattooed Nazi fetishist on the sly, we don’t remember a single thing about The Oscars at all. But Sigourney Weaver does.

Sigourney Weaver remembers that her film Avatar hardly won any Oscars, even though it was prettier than everything else, more technologically advanced than anything else and had about 30 more offensive blue Jesus-aliens in it than anything else. Why does Sigourney Weaver think that Avatar fared so miserably at The Oscars – simple, it’s because James Cameron doesn’t have a vagina. Obviously.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is undoubtedly one of the most sexist institutions around. Why, Halle Berry‘s Oscar win for Monster’s Ball in 2002 marked the first time that the Best Actress award had ever been given to a woman – up until that point the recipients were all men in drag. Yes, even Gwyneth Paltrow.

You just have to look at the Oscar statue itself to see how sexist the Academy is – it obviously looks like a man. If there was any justice in the world then each Oscar would have giant boobs and a working vagina – and there’d be a Best Ironing category near the start of the ceremony – but oh no, the rich old men in charge don’t want to give the sisterhood that sort of helping hand.

Sure, Kathryn Bigelow may have made history by becoming the first ever woman to win a Best Director Oscar this year – but don’t you see? That’s even more sexist than anything else! No, really, it is… because, um, Kathryn Bigelow is a woman and, um, letting women receive the same treatment as men is, you know, wrong. And stuff. Wait. Maybe we need Sigourney Weaver to come in and help us out here.

She’s worked it all out. You see, even though it’s officially the most successful theatrically-released PlayStation cut-scene to heavily imply that Native Americans were stupid and useless until white people came along ever, Sigourney Weaver’s film Avatar was largely blanked at the Oscars in favour of Bigelow’s The Hurt Locker. The reason for this, as Sigourney Weaver told Brazilian news site Folha Online, is because of good old-fashioned sexism. WP reports:

The reason Cameron lost is because the Academy was more interested in making history by giving the award to a woman. “Jim didn’t have breasts, and I think that was the reason,” she told Folha Online, a Brazilian news site. “He should have taken home that Oscar.” Weaver also voiced her disapproval of the Best Picture choice, suggesting it should have gone to Avatar.

We’re right behind you on this issue, Sigourney, and we’ll do anything we can to spread this message. Give equality to women by never letting them win anything! Remove the female vote! Down with girls! Down with girls!

That was your point, Sigourney? Right?

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Tagged as: Avatar, James Cameron, Kathryn Bigelow, Oscars, Sigourney Weaver, The Hurt Locker