If you listed all the absurdly gay European magicians who’ve been mauled by tigers, Siegfried and Roy would definitely be near the top of that list.
But never let it said that Siegfried and Roy don’t have the ability to forgive. On Saturday Siegfried and Roy gave what was billed as their final Las Vegas performance, featuring a surprise special guest star – Montecore, the gigantic white tiger most famous for going berserk and almost mauling Roy to death on stage in 2003.
Incidentally, if Kris Angel is reading, have you ever thought of investing in a tiger? We hear they’re both fun and safe.
Magicians are always hurt by the things they love the most. It’s why Kris Angel has his heart broken by so many beautiful women, it’s why we’re pretty sure one day David Blaine will be found punching himself in the side of the head near some bins, and it’s why one of Siegfried and Roy was bitten in the neck by a massive tiger in 2003.
We all know the story of Montecore the tiger’s attack on Roy six years ago, so we won’t dwell on it. Needless to say, Siegfried and Roy have long maintained that Montecore only lashed out and mauled Roy’s neck to the point that nobody expected him to survive the attack because he sensed that Roy was having a mini-stroke and was trying to pull him to safety. If that’s true, you should ignore the recent TV adverts – if you think someone is having a stroke, don’t call an ambulance. It’s better to crush their windpipe and sever their neck artery with your enormous claws and teeth.
However, Roy has been working incredibly hard to recover since the attack, so that he could bow out of performing in Las Vegas in the manner of his choosing. And that came on Saturday, when Siegfried and Roy performed their last show, a fundraiser for a brain clinic, at the Bellagio Las Vegas casino. And all Siegfried and Roy’s friends were there. Well, OK, not all their friends. The tiger that almost killed one of them was there. That counts, right? ABC reports:
The two slowly performed a signature illusion as Fischbacher stood inside a cage, which was then cloaked in drapes. As Horn removed the curtain seconds later, Fischbacher appeared across stage, a hulking tiger in his place. An announcer left the crowd with this final thought: “Within all of us there is an illusive melody, which when heard and followed will lead you to the fulfillment of your fondest dreams.”
That announcement, by the way, was Siegfried and Roy’s second choice of phrase to bow out on, after deciding that “Arrrgh! Jesus Christ, it’s a tiger! It’s a fucking TIGER! Everyone run! RUN! That’s tiger’s a bloody maniac! Someone bloody shoot it or something! Arrgh! Fucking ARRRGH!” wasn’t quite as profound as they wanted.
Incidentally, while we’re genuinely pleased that Roy has physically and emotionally recovered from his injuries enough to perform like this, we doubt that this really is the end of Siegfried and Roy. So let’s hope when they do make a full return, Montecore can be replaced with something a little less dangerous, like a hungry velociraptor who Siegfried keeps hitting on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper or something.
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Kelly says
You are a total fucking asshole
John says
Dangerously violent tiger? What the hell does that mean? It is as if we are to ascribe a knowledge of legal precedent and the uniform criminal code to a 500 lb jungle cat?
As if this magnificent predator was somehow expected to become a meek and mild golden retriever? Honestly, who wrote this idiotic article and what brain-damaged person would even have the nerve to look surprised when a tiger acts like a tiger.
After years of making several huge predatory cats do stupid, demeaning tricks, twice a night, in front of a crowd of unvetted, drunken idiots all clicking flash bulbs and making noise. The cats face explosions, fire, and all manner of stress and distractions. Never mind that you are sticking cats together with other large male cats and surprise surprise – they may not get along.
But lets forget all that, lets assume that after years of being put under this unimaginable stress, and treated in this demeaning manner, the tiger gets distracted by the screaming crowd and forgets to do the silly trick they’ve trained (coerced) it into doing so that the mob can be entertained?
Let’s further suppose that when that happens, one of the middle aged male fairys on stage decides to walk over and start hitting the tiger on the snout with a microphone. Let’s further suppose that when that happens, the same male fairy has a stroke and starts flopping around on the stage like – gee I don’t know – wounded prey?
Given those circumstances is there anyone, surplus chromosome or not, who is stupid enough to acutally be surprised by the outcome? I thought not. This is second only to chaining King Kong to the wall of a theatre in downtown Manhattan…please don’t even pretend to have the nerve to look surprised.