The weekend box office could have gone one of three ways this week – with two new films competing for Shutter Island’s title.

First there was Cop Out, a film starring the funny one from 30 Rock and the bald one from Moonlighting, directed by the man who was too fat to fit into an airport or something. Then there was The Crazies which, if the trailer is any indication, is a single two-hour shot of a girl being pushed through a threshing machine in slow motion. Could either of these have the heft to topple Shutter Island from its spot at the top of the weekend box office?

No, no they couldn’t. This must mean that people prefer Martin Scorsese to hacky buddy cop films and brainless horror remakes. Who knew?

This is the worst possible scenario. Shutter Island is still the number one movie at the US weekend box office. That’s good for Shutter Island, but crap for us. It’s not out in the UK for another fortnight, you see, and we’d quite like to see it. But the longer it stays at the top of the US weekend box office, the more we’ll learn about it. And we really don’t want to know what the film’s big twist is until we see it.

So you probably know more about Shutter Island than we do. Whatever you do, don’t post the twist as a comment at the end of this, will you? That’d be unspeakably cruel. But posting a fake twist as a comment at the end of this? Hilarious. Here’s the US weekend box office top five…

1 - Shutter Island (Incidentally, we’re guessing that the twist at the end of Shutter Island is one of the following: Leonardo DiCaprio is dead, all the inmates of Shutter Island are dead, Shutter Island is a figment of Leonardo DiCaprio’s imagination, Shutter Island is purgatory, the smoke monster is John Locke, Leonardo DiCaprio’s mother has been dead all along or that Leonardo DiCaprio turns out to be a 33-year-old Russian midget serial killer all along. We’re close, right?) $22,200,00

2 - Cop Out (Once again, Kevin Smith has to take the bridesmaid position for Cop Out – albeit the large, hairy bridesmaid who nobody will attempt to fondle. Maybe banging on relentlessly about how you’re too fat to sit in an aeroplane isn’t the best way to promote a film. Take note, Spielberg) $18,565,000

3 - The Crazies (The only film around to star Matthew Laidlow as an entire town of braindead zombies) $16,521,000

4 - Avatar (The film we’re least pleased to see remain in the weekend box office top five) $14,00,000

5 - Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (Actually, no, we take that back. Sorry, Avatar)

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