Jay Leno is famed for his strong work ethic. And his inordinately large chin. And his basic inability to be funny.

But for now, let’s concentrate on his strong work ethic. Jay Leno never calls in sick, which is why it was such a surprise yesterday when he cancelled an episode of his show to go to hospital. Nobody is saying exactly what’s wrong with Jay Leno, but it’s thought that he was hospitalised by Madonna as revenge for throwing her off his back last weekend.

Because, you see, Jay Leno looks a bit like a horse. If you squint.

If anyone happened to see Conan O’Brien running around Burbank yesterday with a shifty look on his face and a gigantic tub of salmonella in his arms, it might be worth contacting the relevant authorities. Because Jay Leno was hospitalised with what appears to be food poisoning yesterday and – you know – in Conan’s position, who wouldn’t?

Of course, it might not have been food poisoning – that’s just blind conjecture on our part based on the principle that, if it’s anything more serious, a mental image of Conan O’Brien deliberately contaminating Jay Leno’s body with, say, leukaemia would basically be horrific – but the point is that Jay Leno cancelled the taping of his show last night to go to hospital.

Now don’t worry, middle America, you’ll still be getting your hour of muddled observational comedy and softball interviews next week. Jay Leno’s condition is said to be mild, and it definitely isn’t a heart attack brought about by the pressure of having to entertain that one ridiculously easy to please guitarist of his night after night, as the New York Daily News reports:

Leno, 58, wasn’t feeling well, NBC spokeswoman Tracy St. Pierre said, but she was quick to shoot down Internet chatter that he had had a heart attack. “No! My gosh!” St. Pierre said. “He’s doing fine… He was kidding around with the hospital staff and running his monologue jokes by the doctors and the nurses. He’s expected back to work on Monday. “This is first time he’s missed a show – period!”

At this juncture we really have to show our appreciation to the brave men and women who have been treating Jay Leno through this difficult time. It really is a worst-case scenario for them – one one hand Jay Leno is ill enough to go to hospital for treatment in the first place, but on the other hand he’s not so ill that pharmaceutically-induced unconsciousness will prevent him from telling his crappy jokes to anyone who comes within 20 feet of him. They’re in an unenviable position, that’s for sure.

But still, let’s hope that Jay Leno makes a swift and full recovery from his mystery illness. And let’s also hope that last night’s cancelled guest Ryan Reynolds will be unable to reschedule his appearance. We dodged a bullet there, folks.

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