Shia LaBeouf has finally started to completely lose his mind. He has had a week chock full of fights, strippers, homeless guys, and more. He’s taken Zac Efron’s little escapade in Skid Row, added Lindsay Lohan’s drunken car chases, and then brought it all up a smelly ass notch.
There is a sign of hope though, as it at least seems LaBeouf has taken some steps in the right direction by joining Alcoholics Anonymous. But considering Lohan herself is a multiple time graduate of rehabs and AA, I don’t hold much stock in the long term change.
Shia LaBeouf has been peeking into the rabbit hole for quite a while. He’s gone from adorable Even Stevens, to kind of hot Transformers guy, to disgusting faux hipster making artistic porn and fighting with Alec Baldwin. Anyone who knowingly fights with Alec Baldwin obviously has a few screws loose. But within the last couple of weeks, he’s gone from peering into crazytown to straight up mayor of fuckery.
The week of bat shitness started with Shia trying to get his ass kicked outside of a titty bar in NYC. Instead of being a normal dude and wasting rent money on silicone boobs and whispered lies of love and sex, Shia instead wasted his evening trying to get some dude to punch him in the face. No one knows why, but maybe LaBeouf is a bit of a masochist?
Shia’s next dabble into getting his very own 5051 hold came a week later, when he decided to fuck with a homeless dude in Times Square. Since being living in a cardboard box doesn’t suck enough, now the vagabonds have to deal with getting photographed by paparazzi because someone who once made a halfway decent movie decides to play Duck, Duck, Vagrant. Apparently, Shia thought the dude swiped his prized tan baseball cap, because that’s the kind of shit drugs cause you to make up.
LaBeouf ended that day by getting kicked out a Broadway performance of Cabaret. Maybe someone is still upset his foray into the stage world didn’t end up happening(“Fuck you,” says Alec Baldwin), or maybe he didn’t appreciate Alan Cummings (which is blasphemy in and of itself because EVERYONE should appreciate Alan Cummings), but either way Shia decided to cause quite the commotion during the show. He allegedly was hitting people in the head, smoking cigarettes indoors, and all around being a douchebag. Cops were called, and when they arrived to question LaBeouf, he did what every soft on the inside badboy does- he cried like a little bitch.
When the tears of a young actor who once had so much promise didn’t tug enough at the heartstrings of the police, Shia transitioned to the other go to behavior of rich assholes, the “I have money and will fuck you up” tirade.
“While being fingerprinted LaBeouf told one cop “I have millions and millions of dollars and attorneys and I’m going to ruin your career.” He then used a homophobic epithet at the officer doing the fingerprinting, calling him a “fag.””
And with that line, Alec forgave Shia completely for their fight and airblew him little kisses. Straight kisses, because they ain’t gay, son. Between his total asshole ways, plus the fact that he was supposedly spitting at the cops and getting all bath salt-y on them, LaBeouf was charged with criminal trespass, harassment and disorderly conduct.
None of that will stick, however, since coincendentally Shia was seen the next day with an Alcoholics Anonymous book, and was seen being driven to a meeting. Classic Lindsay move, really. There had been whispers that LaBeouf went into rehab, but his rep shut those down and said Shia’s only issue is with booze (and showers, fidelity, ego, a razor, etc) and that he knows he has a problem. So no rehab, just some meetings where a bunch of dudes and former female bartenders sit around reminding each other how badly they all want to make sweet sweet love to some Crystal Palace and Olde English.
Don’t you all just love a good Hollywood break down, especially one that is founded by the Disney Curse? Because I certainly do.