Sheryl Crow Adopts A Son; Presumed To Be Biodegradable
Then buzz it up
May 14th, 2007 at 15:30 by Annette Hyde
Wow, we really understand that Sheryl Crow. We too want to soak up the sun. We too have no one to blame for every time we feel lame. We too have a friend who’s a communist that holds meetings in his RV. She speaks to our soul, you know.
That’s why we’ve stuck with Sheryl Crow through the good times and the bad, despite the multiple restraining orders she has filed against us. We were by her side when she finally dumped that very talented athlete/tool/delusionoid with a god complex, Lance Armstrong. We held her hand through the cancer scare because, well, we are strong enough to be her man. And now, we are elated to be the first to announce (after People, TMZ.com, and probably a bunch of others) that she has joined in the apparent celebrity adoption alliance and adopted a son.
Thank goodness. That’s one less baby for Rosie O’Donnell to adopt.
Not a lot is known about the little bundle of press buzz at this point. It has been reported by journalists that check their facts and thereby make it safe to relay the info here that Sheryl Crow adopted a little boy from the United States who is two weeks old, and has given him the name Wyatt Steven Crow.
What?? A celebrity gave their child a somewhat normal name? How boring. We’ve so enjoyed the lifetime of torment that some celebrity kids have ahead of them because of the wacko names their parents gave them. We suggested that Sheryl name her son Suri Scout Phinneas Puma Kal-el Apple Crow. She didn’t take our advice, though. She’s probably just saving it for the next kid.
Sheryl Crow has recently ended her Stop Global Warming college tour so she’ll have lots of opportunities to incorporate her environmentally friendly efforts to stop global warming in raising her son, like only using one square of toilet paper to wipe up Wyatt’s poopies, and perhaps a solar-powered baby monitor. We think we heard somewhere that Al Gore sent the little tyke a bike made of recycled Styrofoam peanuts and burlap from the comfort of his house that reportedly requires several thousands of dollars a month for electricity.
At any rate, good luck, Sheryl and Wyatt. And remember to give a hoot and don't pollute.
Related and recent:
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May 14th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
You know what, Annette? It’s so easy to drag someone down who is trying to make our world a slightly more livable place, isn’t it? It’s a good thing Sheryl Crow is recommending people cut down on toilet paper usage, because the media just has to shit all over her happiness and we’re probably going to need the surplus. So she’s adopting a baby - who the hell cares? Why don’t you report on something worthwhile and STFU about Sheryl Crow’s personal life?
May 15th, 2007 at 11:45 am
Ten out of ten for punctuation and grammar, Whatever. Unfortunately, your heartfelt rant still singles you out as a mental. Sabotaging warplanes and blockading naval bases or, arguably, being a member of some resistance organisations may help make the world (or bits of it) a more livable place. On the other hand, it might just mean you get on peoples tits. The point is however, that getting rich playing the guitar and then making foolish proclamations doesn’t really cut it…
May 15th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Gilbert Wham: Brilliant!!
To be honest, all it amounts to is a bunch of free press and names in headlines. I don’t particularly care for Sheryl Crow but now I feel bad for the child she adopted who is now going to have to grow up in the celebrity shark tank. At least the kid has a normal name.
May 22nd, 2007 at 11:26 pm
You have to start somewhere, Gilbert Wham. My point was not that Sheryl Crow is an eco-Mother Teresa just because she had some command over the headlines, but that she shouldn’t be torn down in the media for adopting a child. Maybe instead of running your mouth over her methods, you could go stand between a redwood and a running chainsaw and show her how to do it by example? I’d be delighted to arrange that for you, whaddya say?
Anyway, I don’t know why I’m bothering to respond to someone who resorts to character assassination from one stated opinion, but I guess that’s just what us “mentals” with a decent grip on punctuation and grammar do with our afternoons.