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On Saturday night, the impossible happened. Something that simultaneously blew our minds and changed the face of British popular culture forever – Darren Gough won Strictly Come Dancing. Seriously, what’s that about?
But that wasn’t the big news – the realistic best that Darren Gough can expect from winning Strictly Come Dancing will be to get a job as Third Man From The Left in a touring version of Guys And Dolls – everyone is more concerned with Shayne Ward, the winner of X Factor.
Shayne Ward winning X Factor would have been a valid case for a news story, if only every single person who had ever watched X Factor didn’t know that Shayne would win from the very start of the series.
Usually at this point we’d give you some X Factor betting odds but now that X Factor is over, we’ve nothing to give you. But – to save you screaming and crying and shaking like those babies born addicted to heroin – we’re letting you down easy with some entirely made up X Factor betting odds…
Odds that – despite being sung over and over again all the time on
Saturday’s X Factor – not a single person can remember what That’s My
Goal actually sounds like – 2/1
Odds that the version of My Way that the X Factor rejects sang on
Saturday would probably sell more copies of That’s My Goal if it was
also released on Wednesday – 3/1
Odds that Simon Cowell will go topless next season after realising
that he can’t be bothered to even fasten the two shirt buttons that he
sported on Saturday’s X Factor - 6/1
Odds that Andy Abraham will shortly be admitted to hospital for RSI
brought on by his constant ‘open hand/clenched fist/open hand’ singing
style – 5/1
Odds that the next request that Journey South are given will be "Big Mac extra value meal please." – 4-1
Odds that by this time next year, the only X Factor contestant that anyone will still be talking about is Chico – 8/1
Odds that Simon Cowell’s teeth will soon become so bright that
anyone who looks at them will instantly be turned into stone - 6/1
Odds that Shayne Ward’s family will go out on a fighty, rapey rampage to celebrate his X Factor success – 9/1
Odds that, at some point during the next season of X Factor, Kate
Thornton will look at least vaguely competent, if only for a single
fleeting second – 23/1
Odds that, in the future, Shayne Ward will talk about That’s My Goal
in a slightly embarrassed way, complain that That’s My Goal wasn’t
really his style of song, avoid singing That’s My Goal in his concerts
and secretly resent ever singing the bleeding song in the first place -
Evens
Why not listen to That’s My Goal on a brilliant new mp3 player from kelkoo.co.uk?
[story by Stuart Heritage]
{ 105 comments… read them below or add one }
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iya shayne i luv u, u r the best singer i have ever herd. and u r also the sexyest persno i have evevr seen u sexy beast i wish u wer my age u handsom get luv ye to bits sexy luv from sophiexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxsexy,handsom,best in the world ect
i luv u 2 bits
love ya loads
Charlie
xxxxxxx
p.s i am nine years old
i think your great but not as good as Richard fleeshman
hi there my names is paddy connors i am very upset about u winning the x factor are u a traveller please reply back
shayne you were the best one on x-fator i am soo glad you won it
hi ya shayne i’m glad that you won x factour! because you are a gud singer and i also do think you are fit! whwt is your new song going to be so that i can get it when it’s out?
Luv ya zoe x x x
PS: write bk!
Hi everyone, Shayne here,
Wow, look at all that support! You guys are the greatest fans in the world! I love you all too.
I’d love to write back to you all, but I won’t because NONE OF YOU CAN FUCKING SPELL!
take care
Shayne
I LIKE THATS MY GOAL SONG I THINK ITS SMASHING I HOPE YOU WRITE MORE SMASHING SONGS
XXXXXX
ELISHA
Hi Shayne I knew u were a winner from ur very first audition and I think u r absolutely gorgeous. Can’t wait for u to bring out a new song!!!
Lots of luv and kisses
Laraxxxx
hi!!! love thats my goal only when you sing it i listen to key 103 and you are the 3rd voice one aren’t you????
hi shayne ithink u deserved to win x factor as you are the best singer on the show so far u are the sexest fella EVER cant wait for your album nice arse by the way lots of luv becky x x x x xXx
hi shane i think you are the best singer going i really like your songs and i would really love to meet you.
hey i love ur song n i think ur well fit, i knew u waz goin to win x_factor i am ur number 1 fan n mi mum luvs u to bit and soo do i
luv ya charlie
heya i luv ur song i alwais listen 2 it u deserved 2 win x-factor ur well fit i wish u were my age laurenwhiteman@msn.com email me bak shane plz
luv ya lauren x
Hi ya Shayne,
I loved all your songs yo sang on
the Xfacter,
I ain`t to kean on the slow
motion songs though,
I did miss Chico when he left.
And guess what,
Before all of the entire Xfacter,
My parents an me and little sis
went to a wedding party,
and at the party,
There was a rock and slow band called Journy South,
and there standing,
was
Andy and cal!(however yo spell his
name!)
I love Chico Journy South and yo!
P.S please write bk!
xxx
Hannah!
hello shayne you are so cool all my family love you you are a well good singer we all new u was going to win every week we watched it and voted for you my sisters think you are well fit we are glad u won .my step dad is going on the x factor 2006 he is a good singer plzzzzz email me back from stephen
you were the best
you are the best
and you always will be
dear Shane Ward, im writting this letter to you to let out my feelings about you, my life has changed since you won the X factor, you make me feel so different to other boys, now i think that you are so fit and that i would marry you any day or go out with you any day, all i have been trying to do all my life is meet you but that will never happen, i think you are so fit and sexy can you please get back to me on lee_williams@hotmail.co.uk but my name is stephanie, i have dreams about you every night, well i hope to hear from you soon and maybe see you soon love you loads
stephaniexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
iya ma mum really likes your song thats my goal shes got it on cd she thinks your a very talented singer and its her birthday 8th of march so i was wondering if u cold email me back sayin to angela happy birthday love shayne ward
Shane i am soooooooooo happy u won u deserve it i couldn’t wait 2 get ur single after i heard it on mtv hits i was soooooooooo desperate so i got lime wire and downloaded 200 of ur songs called thats my goal and 100 videos of thats my goal. Just wanna say well done and u are so positively absolutely hot.
p.s. carry on singin 4 eva & eva
to shayne
i love ya to bits. At school ive got you all over by desk. when you were on x factor i voted for you loads of times. it’s my mum’s birthday on the 11th march so i would really like it if you would write… to nicola happy birthday i love your chloe love shayne ward xxx.me and my mum love your new song thats my goal!
p.s keep singing and smiling
love ya loads
chloe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hiya Shayne
U r soooo fit! U r brill at singing! I am ur no.. 1 fan! No1 likes u as much as I do! Email me on flowerflorence@hotmail.com plez!!!
Florenece
shane u r the fittest lad eva made and your song is mintxxx c ya in a bzzlexxxx
Hi Shayne u r soooooo fit and sexi 1i went to the concert in manchester on the 25th it was brill!I hope that u will continu ur singin,not like last yrs winner did.u so much betta then him.U hav the cutiest smile ever and av got loadsa pic of ya on mi bedroom door LOL! Ur song is brill and ur ur new song ‘no promise’ is great to.Plz email mi to sarahgriffin414@hotmail.com plzzzzzzz
love ya loads
Sarah xxxxxxx
hiya x
i luv shayne sssooo much
i wanna meet him badly xx
luv u shayne
luv shaz xx
hello shana u r so fit i would neva chuck u out of bed lol rite bk coz i love ya so so sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much lv ya loads
hi shane i love you very much and i think you are drop dead gorgous and i am your biggest fan i wanted you to win x factor and you did i also have your single and i love it very much love you cara XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
i agree with sophie ur gd but not as gd or as sexy as Richard Fleeshman xxx Paula xxx
hey shayne i love ur music i think u fab i got a masive poster of u love ema
you are the best male singer ever shayne.. trust.. email bk if you can. no worries if u cant! by the way u have class at the xfactor tour in birmingham on the last night x
shane is so fit! fit for the bin. another talentless bender to further destroy British music. Oh and nice family ya tinky wanker
Hiyaz ppz omg ent shane fit n e a fab singer!!! lv molly
hi shane itz paige again the girl iz miss littles daughter mum fergot her name lol i fink ya absoulty gr8 plz email me again plz!!!
hi shane i bet ur wll inoyed abot pepole sayin 2 dump ur gf u do wt feelz right m8 email me back if u wnt
heya shane awwww u gawjus i luv ya so much u deserved to win u da best u just amazin i came to the x factor concert u were absolutely fantastic when u came on at the end the crowd went absolutely barmy let me just say somit a min ummmmmmm
U RULE lol just had to say tht im ur biggest fan ever ma walls in ma room r covered in pics of u coz ma dad drawn portraights of ya on there its lush i luv u foreva n alwayz remember tht always babe lv ya so much ur so gawjus xx mwah xx x**********lots of love scarlet************x
Hi Shayne
I am quite embarrassed writing on this site…..Think you are the most stunning man I have ever seen …( am 25 and feel ashamed ).
Am made up you won the x factor and you deserved it….( god knows me and me girlies wished it often enough !! ) u r our office hunk here in me workplace !!! haha
Anyway just ignore what you read in those papers….load of c**p about your family. You won that competition on your own merits
Was really moved when you won and your mum was cryin….so sweet
Keep ploughlin at it….keep doing the great music you do….Remember this was your dream so go for it chick !!!
Your girlfriend Faye is incredibly lucky to have you as you have got the face of an angel !! She must have the patience of a saint to put up with all these girls throwing themselves at you….lucky lucky girl !!!
Love ya loads hun
xxxxx
he is so fine i wud go out wid him
shayne your the best cause u have a brilliant vioce i am so glad u won it cause i hate andy.
your the best .see ya at the consrt [kevin you best fan].
hey.. ilove you so much ,iam from palestenin and iam musslem so….do you love them? i hope that thx
with my love..
HI SHAYNE ILOVE YOU VERY MUCH SO GO TO FINISH SHAYNE
YOU ARE MY BEST SONGSTER
Shayne, ur sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Amazing!!! I Luv u Soooooooooooooooooo Much!!! U Rock!
I love shayne’s bum. It’s one of the best i’ve ever seen. It so tnder and tight, i wish i could squeeze it every night!
hiya shayne i just want to say how a good singer u r because ive got ur biography and ur calanar and ur new single (cd) and ive got posters all over my bedroom u r the best of the best and if u wanted to know that i kept voting for u on the x factor and i stuck beside u to the end and when u won god i neally fainted well ur just the best cya carly (ur greatest and biggest fan)
hey maybe that’s crazy but i’ve never know u shayne before until yesterday i saw i video clip of u’rs (if that’s okey with you) i like it i thinks that u’re a good dancer and i’ve never watch those shows like Xfactor .
but it’s a first time taht i writ a common for asinger even if i love him or her but i think you get verry verry proud of u’re selfs until u became no more nice i have my reasons but i writ for u beacuz i think u deserve it u’re dong well keep on way by the way am in the other side of the world in affrica morocco and i watch u’re amazin kiss
Heyyy
Im Am So Glad That Yu Win The X-Factor 
… I Loveee Your New Son No U Hang Up Thee Girl In Thi Video Iss Sooooooooooooooooooo Luckyy 
I Wish I Was Her Lol 
Yourrr Soo Hot 
x I Went To Your Concert On Feb It Was The Best EVER !!! Cant Wait For Your Nxt Tour In Glasgow I Will Be Defoo Goingg Lol 
x Lovee You Loadsssss Frm Kerry 
.. KwSw 
(L) xxxxxxxxxxx
wow shayne how far u have come is amazing! GLAD U HAVNT DISSAPEARED u deserve all the success uve been getting and hope ur next album and single will get u bak at number one where u should always be xXx
u look very nice i love u loads i wont to meat u i love u so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx p.s i love u so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Heyy Shayneee
(L) …
Lovee Your Neww Song Breathless :-O ..
Thee Lyricsss Areee Sooo Sweet
..
I Wouldd Loveee Too Meet Yu In Person
It Wouldd Be Myy Dreamm Comee Truee 
I Lovedddd Your Concertt On Feb In Glasgoww
… It Wass AMAZINN 
Frmm Your BIGGEST FAN EVERR !! Kerrie&Shayne =)(L):-D x
I swear hecklers, these types of articles are like the cheese in a mousetrap to these idiots who post here. It attracts them in droves. If only there was a big steel bar like on a mousetrap that came down when they posted…
shayne ward is a fantastic singer and his music is brilliant i can’t wait to see him live in concert
i fukin love u u bastad come and have sex wiyhme some times
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