We always thought that Sharon Stone would be a good mother, particularly because she’d always be getting her vag out to remind you where you’re from.

But maybe Sharon Stone isn’t such a fantastic mother after all, because it turns out that she’s lost physical custody of her eight-year-old son Roan to her ex-husband Phil Bronstein.

That’s upsetting. Not for Sharon Stone – she’s old enough to cope with this – but for her son. After all, this means he’ll never get to experience the unique form of schoolyard bullying that comes from having your naked 50-year-old mother who happens to be an intense figure of hatred to the entire Chinese community drop you off at school every morning. That poor boy. That poor poor boy.