The Latin Grammy award ceremony is the annual crowning glory for every Latin recording artist from around the world including wiggly-hipped pop midget Shakira and, um, you know, all the other ones that aren't Shakira.
And last night the Latin Grammy Awards took place in New York, and Shakira easily managed to be the biggest Latin Grammy winner – taking home four separate Latin Grammys for Record Of The Year, Song Of The Year, Album Of The Year and Female Pop Album Of The Year, or
Melhor Álbum Vocal Pop Feminino, as we might start calling it from now on. And don't pretend that you're surprised that Shakira won all the Latin Grammy awards, since you know full well that you couldn't name another Latin recording artist if you had a gun to your head. And, no, the polka band from Planes, Trains and Automobiles doesn't count.
Shakira's having quite a year, isn't she? It started off badly, of course – with that Don't Bother song, Shakira seemed to be trying a bit too hard to be Alanis Morissette and, since nobody wants to buy Alanis Morissette records any more anyway, her English-language comeback looked set to stall. But then Shakira discovered the redemptive power of wiggling her bottom around and singing a song about how her hips would never fail a polygraph test and – bam – Shakira is everywhere; on the radio, grabbing all the MTV VMA nominations and having huge pictures of her plastered across hecklerspray for no good reason.
But that's just English-language Shakira; there's also Foreign-language Shakira, where Shakira seems to sing songs we don't understand while rolling around the floor covered in motor oil. Understandably, this makes Shakira very popular in Latin countries, a feat that was reflected in the Latin Grammys nominations where Shakira picked up nods for almost everything.
Last night the Latin Grammy Awards took place in New York, and Shakira was easily the biggest winner; her single La Tortura won Record Of The Year (Gravação Do Ano) and Song Of The Year (Canção Do Ano), while Shakira's album Fijacion Oral, Vol. 1 won Latin Grammys for Album Of The Year (Álbum Do Ano), Best Female Pop Vocal Album (Melhor Álbum Vocal Pop Feminino) and Best Engineered Album (Melhor Álbum de Engenharia de Gravação).
And how did Shakira celebrate this fine haul of Latin Grammy Awards? By protesting about immigrants, obviously. She said:
"I hope soon they will receive they recognition they deserve from the government."
Of course, it would be absurd – not to mention borderline racist – to assume that Shakira won all the Latin Grammys in all of the ceremony's categories. But apparently she didn't. According to CNN, some other people also won Latin Grammys too:
Other multiple winners included the reggaeton group Calle 13 and Argentine rocker Gustavo Cerati, who each won two awards. Cerati won best rock song for "Crimen" and best rock vocal album for "Ahi vamos." Calle 13 picked up awards for best music album and best short music video Grammy for its reggaeton song "Atrevete te, te!" … Other winners included Mexican singer Julieta Venegas, as the Latin Grammys made its New York City debut on Thursday night. Venegas, nominated for four Grammys including record of the year "Me voy," won best alternative album for "Limon y sal" at the seventh annual Latin Grammys for Spanish- and Portuguese-language speaking artists.
Yeah, not a clue. Sorry.