Punks are idiots. Phlegm soaked idiots at that. You see, they told us for years that there was ‘no future’ while sneakily getting one of the most lucrative pension plans in existence – and that is the one of coining it in from faux-rebellion.

You see, punk had a great get-out clause. Basically, that meant that any attempt to fleece you, the public, could be filed in the ‘Art School Prank’ column and the biggest slags of the lot, The Sex Pistols, are at it again.

Bizarrely, they’ve released a perfume.

That’s right. On the back of appearances on countless clips shows, an appearance on I’m A Celebrity… GET ME OUT OF HERE!, some Country Life butter commercials and the re-releasing of their sole LP in countless guises and tarted-up box sets, the Pistols are now putting their name on a unisex perfume.

The advertising gubbins says:

“Resisting tradition, fighting conformity and disregarding aromatic conventions it leaves a fresh, restless bite of lemon, sharpened and intensified by a defiant black pepper. Electrified by aldehydes, the fragrance exudes pure energy, pared down and pumped up by leather, shot through with heliotrope and brought back down to earth by a raunchy patchouli.”

“As well as a strong scent, the bottle also makes a bold impression, with its iconic graphic inspired by the front cover of the single ‘God Save the Queen’ released in 1977.”

Are you getting all this down? ‘Raunchy patchouli’ and ‘defiant black pepper’.  Jeez… stop us from laughing so we can ingest huge amounts of heroin before stabbing our wives to death.

Of course, if the Sex Pistols really meant it maaaaaaan, they should have released a bottle of vinegar and piss for you to wear on your scrawny neck, all mottled up with huge green snotty loogies. That’s the scent of most punks if you ever brave their grotty little bedsits.

If you’re a complete idiot, you can buy it here for £20.

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