Can someone, somewhere in this wretched universe explain to me how a movie where Mark Walberg and a talking bear drink, smoke weed and snort coke for 100 minutes can make over $200 million? Have we all lost our damn minds? If this isn’t a sad and sordid referendum of our cultural times I don’t know what is.
There’s no snobbery involved here. I happen to think you can make a pretty damn good movie with a talking animal – in fact I’d sign up for a movie with a talking wolverine or badger. And besides, I saw Ted’s previews. I knew what I was in for. But I still left the theatre bitter, hungover and feeling hopeless for the future of mainstream comedy.
The movie was just so by the numbers (boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy hatches a last minute plan to get her back) just broken up with obscure throwaway gags, little known guest stars and some potty humour.
It’s all well and good if this kind of movie is your thing; I did, after all, chuckle several times and found Walberg – despite the racism roiling beneath his skin – quite likeable. My problem is now that McFarlan has branched out into movies, with great success, with what is, generally speaking, a live action version of a below-average Family Guy episode, I won’t be able to find a mainstream alternative for the next five years that isn’t by McFarlane himself or in the McFarlane mold. He is everywhere and I can’t escape his evil grasp.
Most people find him funny, or did five years ago, or, rather, enjoy watching shows and movies with humour so foul and on-the-nose, even those in the brain injury ward can join in on the chuckles. The shows are funny because “funny” things are happening to weird people like being a homo, rape, incest, child abuse; you know, those old hilarious stand-bys with a Conway Twitty or Star Wars reference thrown in there for kicks.
And it’s all we’ve got now. If you want to watch cartoons, you are left to choose from – if you’re brave – the festering corpse of the Simpsons or the back-to-back-to-back McFarlane cartoons.
Now that the returns are in, and Ted a moderate critical and smashing commercial success, you can be sure every hack screenwriter is going to write a similarly toned movie. And who can blame them. It’s the only thing that will get any traction at the studios. Every out of touch, coke-addled studio exec will throw any original script into the incinerator for not being enough like Ted.
Don’t believe me? Look what happened when Dumb and Dumber and There’s Something About Mary took off. Or the rubbish that followed The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up. Every movie that followed them were almost identically themed – but much worse.
Not an original thought exists in Tinseltown. The next time we might get a talking dog or a goat but you better believe some damn animal’s going to be saying rape jokes to a laugh track.
lkajfdslk says
i have to agree…and it goes without saying that this applies to all facets of american culture/society…the next generation is full of quacks
Scott says
Excellent article, and I wholeheartedly agree with the point raised. I’ve noticed also that cocaine abuse as a comedic prop (especially with main characters as users) seems to be the norm in R rated comedies now, which I find a bit alarming.
Ant says
There are always going to be people who don’t necessarily get films like Ted, but the one thing Ted had going for it was that unlike many comedies that have been churned out of Hollywood, from the overhyped The Hangover to god-awful tripe like I Want Candy, is that it did have some very funny moments. As for the racism, toilet humour, innuendo and drug use…in the end, you either laugh at life or you spend your time worrying about who is going to be offended by what next. Damn was about as offensive as it got in the thirties and Enid Blyton wrote about those funny little Gollywog fellows who hung around with Noddy. In fifty years time, no one is really going to care about the swear words and offensive ideas of today as there will be a whole new set to keep people on their toes.
ellekay says
No. This doesn’t scare me at all. 50 shades of gray scares me. Why is THAT so effing popular? I have nothing against the genre, but it’s poorly written crap.
Mcbooger says
My god this is a wack ass article. Who cares what people watch, or how the man makes people laugh. If you don’t like it, just stfu. He is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Manuel Vieira says
And so the real world is finally beginning to acknowledge that there really is a Creator, and he had every reason to destroy the 1st Soddom & Gamorah, long before Hollywood was but a money sign in some nasty little Jews Eye…. ;) ~ “
Manuel Vieira says
That’s Great cause in 50 years time generational losers like you & greedy little totally without talent Libturds like McFarlane will be part of a happily forgotten chapter of the worst of times in Humankind History… Hopefully by then, people will have learned that I wasted, brainwashed Brain amounts to no common sense or decency towards a safe and prosperous future….
Thor says
Wtf? Is a “libturd?” you sound dumb as hell. I’m guessing you’re a republican cock slut. I didn’t see TED, but EVERYBODY WATCHES FAMILY GUY! Even republicans and Christians who are made fun of. Seth is a GENIUS! And if you are offended by this film or Seth or family guy, then you prove to be a lame, constipated loser who needs to lighten the FLUCK up and LAUGH! I bet you’re fat and ugly.
Wishing says
I don’t watch Family Guy. I enjoy the gracious films that 50 years ago gave me