Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber Are Back Together for the Millionth Time


It’s official: any respect I had remaining for Selena Gomez is gone, because bitch is once again riding Justin Bieber’s douchey baby dick. I’d been holding off writing about this shit until I knew for sure, but now I know that unlike Kris Jenner’s face, this crap is real.

People started speculating a little while ago that the Disney version of Rihanna and Chris Brown were back together again when Bieber posted a picture of them being all affectionate on Instagram, only to delete it shortly after (bitch please, once a celebrity Instagrams something it is on the internet FOREVER).

Bieber posting the pic didn’t fully convince me that these two were back together. No, what really got me was when they went to bible study together. No, I’m not even joking.

Last Wednesday, “I’m a big girl now, I can be sexy!” Selena and Vanilla Ice 2.0 Justin went to a fucking Bible Study class together in L.A. When I read that shit, I felt like Alex Vause whenever Pennsatucky got on with all her Jesus bullshit (yes, that was an “Orange is the New Black” reference). I mean, I did some next level eye rolling. I was like Lucille Bluth, FOR REAL!


Apparently the two were all touchy feely during Bible study, because there is no better place to engage in PDA than at BIBLE STUDY!

I mean, Bible study, really?! Who the fuck are these two idiots trying to kid?! I mean, I expect this sort of dry heave inducing fuckery from Justin, but Selena?

A source says their relationship is different this time and that Justin wants to give up his bad boy ways. The source then added:

And what’s really been making a difference is that they have both praying together and you can tell what an impact this has been making on the both of them, especially Justin.

And with that, I couldn’t take any of this shit seriously. Maybe Bieber finally got a sense of humour and this is some big ass joke he’s playing on everyone, I don’t know. Either way, they’re both fucking idiot kids and I’m sure they’ll break up again, get back together, convert to Hinduism, go on some sort of weird spiritual retreat, go visit the Dali Lama, Instagrm about their intense Hindu visit with him, have someone point out that the Dali Lama isn’t Hindu, break up, Bieber will fuck some model that’s depressed she turned 30 and just wants to feel young and stupid again, they’ll get back together, and so on and so forth. Whatever forever.