Search Results for: readers+letters

Readers’ Letters: “i bet you will remove my comment eh?”

August 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Hello dipsticks. We haven’t done a readers’ letters for a while have we? To be honest, we’ve been busy. Busy lording it up at an award ceremony and, prior to that, begging you for votes and rigging the process so that we definitely won.

Also, we’ve been very wounded by those slating the video. We take all your insults personally and it’s very hard of us… *bites fist and fights tears*… sorry… it’s just… we try our best y’know?

Okay. We don’t. We’re lazy. Very lazy. And unprofessional. And liars. Either way, we’ve waddled back to the foetid sack of letters and correspondence and, Christ, you lot are still as barking as ever. Shall we have a look together? You’ll find some white-supremacy and bad spelling!

Readers’ Letters – Some Scripture For Bill Murray [Video]

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

There’s nothing weirder than finding people who are so obsessed with something that they’re willing to go to any length of internet-based conflict in order to defend their nonsensical beliefs. It is a trait most often seen in fans of Muse, Twilight, INXS, Queen and, quite inexplicably, Larry David. There are few things that hecklerspray writers love more than these people. The ‘whine’ of fans.

And so we come to our weekly perusal of our post, the time that- for us- is the closest we’ll ever come to having sex with Ann Widdicombe. We approach the post bag with a mixture of terror and morbid curiosity with only a modicum of sexual excitement, we reach out our shaking, clammy paws.

Find out what becomes of us over the jump…

Readers’ Letters: In Which You All Dribble Over Scarlett Johansson’s Breasts [Video]

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Every week, we have the unfortunate task of picking our way through your crusted correspondence to find the most depraved, hideous scrawlings to put on the site for everyone to laugh at. This week, it was a little bit easier as our drooling mass of a readership left a slug trail right to some of the most sexually-charged content that has ever deposited itself in our post bag thanks to a certain Ms. Scarlett Johansson.

Yes, everyone’s favourite bombshell had her phone hacked as hecklerspray brought the curious masses a skin-exclusive and everyone wanted to get in touch to reveal their masturbatory habits. There’s also veiled threats from Kasabian’s representatives, a singing Michael Jackson and a screaming INXS nutter, all with Editor Mof just over the jump.

Readers’ Letters: “Why Would You Make A Video Of This?!” [Video]

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

We love our readers. From the very bottom of our hearts, we adore them and cherish their opinions on life, the universe and everything. Some of our readers are silent; observing the world of celebrity vicariously through our writers. We love them too, just not quite as much.

Other readers like to get as involved as they possibly can by adding witty add-ons to our pieces using their own inimitable senses of humour. Some others like to defend their favourite bands, actors and artists to the hilt by using the ol’ “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” quip before telling us that we deserve to die and spend eternity in the depths pits of hell for daring to take the piss out of people.

People with no sense of humour, basically. It is these people who we celebrate each week in Readers’ Letters, our weekly trawl through your comments and opinions, filtering the fantastic from the flotsam, the sublime from the shite. This week, we’ve done it as a video! Let Editor Mof guide you after the jump…

Readers’ Letters: “This Article Is A Cheap Shot At A Defenceless Man Who Is Now Deceased!”

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

In a week where people decided it was time to overthrow an oppressive regime, the hecklerspray bedsit has been full of rumours that Editor Mof’s reign of terror might finally be coming to an end.

That was before we were all lashed to our typewriters and forced to hammer out words about Alfonso Ribeiro’s career and Kim Kardashian’s vagina. All in a week’s work.

Still, the time has come for us to dig our hands deep into the vomit-soaked correspondence satchel and find the best and worst of our readers’ views.

Readers’ Letters: “It's just another great gay brand damaged by stupid straight people.”

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Every week, the hecklerspray postbag overflows with the kind of putrid bile usually reserved for the Right Wing media telling people of different creeds, colours or sexual orientation how everything they’ve ever done or thought is filth which should be banned and then burned on a pyre while the ranks of middle England’s disaffected gentry dance around in sports jackets, caterwauling into the sky.

Of course, usually we love that kind of thing. All of you people coming over and telling us that we’re poor excuses for both “journalists” and “human beings” really gets us off.

That is to say, it really gets the editorial staff off and once they’ve reassured the writers enough that they stop crying floods of crocodile tears, they have a little fumble with themselves over people calling them “scum” and “Scrappy Doo”.

Readers Letters: “I think YOU people are the sickos”

August 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Hello skid pans. We’ve got our waders on again, which means it is time once more to get stuck into the silage that is the letter bag. And good lord, it really hums this week. Seriously. Imagine the smell of an uncovered war-grave.

Multiply that by ten are you’re nowhere near close.

Of course, there’s the usual abuse and junk this week, just like any other week. And mercifully, the Michael Jackson fans are back again, arousing us with their bile. We’ve also got someone defending Christian Bale in a very amusing fashion, not to mention someone talking about smelling Avril Lavigne’s hair. Let us sift the floating scum together like we’re panning for gold amongst the turds.

Readers’ Letters: The ‘Tom Hardy Thinks We’re Morons’ Special… Or Does He?

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

It’s that time of the week again where we put on industrial strength rubber gloves, strap on our personal protective equipment, snap our goggles into place and go for a swim in the murky depths of the hecklerspray post bag. There really is nothing more refreshing on a muggy, humid day than going for a swim through the tepid bile that you lot spray out of your brains.

Unfortunately Editor Mof has been forced into mediating a disagreement between two hecklerspray writers which has already seen Kris Silver thrown into a pile of discarded post bags where- unfortunately- his left hand dissolved due to the build up of acid. In hindsight he’ll feel that suggesting to Paul Pencott that he take on the role of Kris’ “business hand” has been his worst professional decision to date.

Nevertheless, while they all engage in a fight to the death, let’s take a look at how many of you have suggested that we die in a fire this week.

Readers Letters: “You have low self esteem.. I feel bad for you.”

August 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Hello skidmarks. How are we all? Don’t answer that because we honestly couldn’t care less. That’s because we’re far too busy sifting through the lunacy of the ‘spray mailbag. And by jove, there are some Grade A nutters about.

Of course, the obligatory Michael Jackson Mentalists are shouting at us while draped in soiled bedsheets, holding a solitary candle aloft in tribute to the world’s most famous freak show.

However, in a weird turn of events, the mailbag got sexy this week with some absolute filth pouring from your dirty, dirty mouths. Seriously. Over the jump you’ll find some appallingly x-rated rants from readers. Shall we? Lets.

Readers Letters: “This article is beyond offensive. You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

August 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Hello readers. It is, once again, that time where we have a little look at all that lovely fanmail we get. That’s right! The stinking, pus-dribbling, bulging sack in the corner is ready to pop… and next to Matthew Laidlow is the postbag, filled with goodies!

Of course, there’s been a few nutters popping into the ‘spray hovel to chuck their hat into the ring, and naturally, we’re going to celebrate them here. It’s okay. They’ll never read this article. They only appear when we’ve attacked their chosen idol.

And once again, the Michael Jackson fans are out in force, as are Beatlenuts. What would we do without them? We’d be terribly lonely, that’s what. A fist in the face is better than no feeling at all. Anyway, let us see what’s being said this week!

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