Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Years ago, I made a Facebook status saying “On a scale of 1-10, how whacked on ecstasy was Kim Kardashian in her sex tape with Ray J?” I mean, girls jaw was going so crazy she could’ve cracked a jawbreaker in one bite.
Well, on the most recent episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians (aka the Kardashians admit or deny shit we all already know to be true), Kim admitted she was super high on ecstasy during her sex tape, to which I respond: duh, bitch, we know.
Exactly two years ago today, I wrote a blog suggesting that Kylie Jenner was single white femaling her older sister, Kim Kardashian. Well, here we are, just a couple of years later and bitch’s transformation from Kylie Jenner to Kim Kardashian 2.0 has officially been finalized.
I get that little sisters often look up to their big sisters, but Kylie Jenner’s idolization of Kim Kardashian has maybe gone a little too far. Let’s examine, shall we?
Well, I guess the entire Kardashian/Jenner family has decided to support Khloe and forgive Tristan Thompson’s wandering dirty dick. Kim, who famously went on Ellen and said what Tristan did to Khloe was fucked up–which got her blocked on his Instagram–posted a video from Khloe’s birthday party last night, in which she and Tristan seem all buddy buddy.
So buddy buddy that he even unblocked her on Instagram in the video for everyone to see. Like I said in my last post on this shit, I guess everyone realized when it comes to Khloe, cheating isn’t so bad as long as he isn’t doing crack as well.
If the title of this blogged shocked you, it should. Literally no woman on the face of this planet loves to get naked and oiled up by gay men just to have more gay men take her picture than Kim Kardashian. This is a known fact.
Yet, for some reason, when the CDFA Fashion Awards took place last night, the somewhat prestigious ceremony, dedicated to, you know, clothes and fashion, opted to give Kim Kardashian the Influencer award. 1) Influencer is not a word, and 2) the irony of the award was not lost on anyone. Not even Kim.
What in the actual fuck is wrong with Kim Kardashian? For MONTHS now, I’ve been talking to people about how bitch has been going NEXT LEVEL when it comes to photoshopping her face in pictures, but she’s really at the point where it’s completely ridiculous.
Back in January, her face was so photoshopped for that Calvin Klein campaign that I LITERALLY didn’t think it was even her at first, just some Kim look alike. Then she posts the TERRIFYING above picture and I’m like, that doesn’t even look like a real person’s face! It looks like someone in a Kim Kardashian mask! I am SHOOK.
Before I even get started, I want you all to know that I am in no way down with mom-shaming anyone and get that everyone is different and different things work for different people. I am a mom, and I get that we all need to do what we can to not have total mental breakdowns. Now, that being said, what the fuck is the deal with Kim Kardashian?
She and Kanye West welcomed their third child, a daughter tragically named Chicago, via surrogate in mid-January. Since then, all the bitch has done is go to photoshoots at the beach, pose for photoshoots to pimp out Kanye’s fashion line, gone to parties, and traveled to exotic locations like Japan sans any kids.
If you’re wondering why this isn’t a blog about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s new baby girl who was born three days ago, the answer is very simple: until they tell me what foolish ass name they’ve chosen for this kid, I refuse to blog about her. Plain and simple.
However, that doesn’t mean I won’t blog about Kim in general, and today Kim did something totally blog worthy when she took to Twitter to clap back at her former brother-in-law, Lamar Odom.
As I think I reported a few months back (I’m too lazy to go and check), Kim Kardashian and Kanye West got themselves a surrogate to pop out baby #3 and she was allegedly already three months along. Well, that story seems to check out now that new reports are saying another stupidly named West child will be arriving early in the new year.
Before you even ask yourself, yes, I have made a thorough list of names I think they will name their third baby and you can find it at the end of this blog. Bless.
If you follow the show Keeping Up With the Kardashians, then you probably know that 1) this shit is basically capitalist, shallow, staged bullshit that I can’t get enough of, and 2) Kim Kardashian West wants to have more babies but can’t carry any more herself.
Kim had such difficult pregnancies with North and Saint that her uterus is all fucked up, so if she wants more kids they won’t be coming out of her more than likely surgically altered cooch.
Titling a blog “We Need to Talk About Kim Kardashian’s Ass” seems a bit trite at this point, I know, but this is actually a totally different type of blog from my previous Kim’s ass blogs, I promise you.
Kim is currently on vacation with her girlfriend’s for sister Kourtney’s 38th birthday, and paparazzi pics have been released that have clearly not been photoshopped because Kim’s ass looks nothing like the ass we are used to, and people are freaking out.
