Sean Paul – who, by law, you have to refer to as “Shanna Pall” if speaking aloud – is apparently the best-selling Jamaican music act in history.
This means he has outsold student poster staple Bob Marley, chubby bleating man-boy Sean Kingston and renowned murder-advocating homophobes Elephant Man, Beenie Man and Buju Banton. No mean feat, Shanna.
This year Sean Paul releases his fourth album, Imperial Blaze, which, sadly, is not a concept album about burning down the Death Star. Last week he flew to Blighty to do a bit of press ahead of the album’s release, and among the gems to arise from the trip were an admission that he would like to watch giraffes bumming and then show said bummage to a young Oriental ghost.
In an entertaining tete-a-tete with Pocket TV’s Matt Edmonson, Sean Paul grilled some of his meat on a barbecue while answering questions. After a frankly appalling spot of freestyling, Shanna got down to the business of being grilled himself, the first poser being: “If you could watch any breed of animal copulate, what would you go for?”
Sean Paul gave the question due consideration before answering:
“Giraffes… It’s a funny thing to think about, giraffe sex. And then maybe I would get into giraffe porn. Probably sell it, sell giraffe porn throughout the Earth. Because not everywhere in the world has giraffes, and I think it would really sell, like… maybe in Japan.”
When then asked what he would do if he found his house was haunted by “a scary Japanese child”, Sean was in little doubt as to the sequence of events that would ensue:
“I would first introduce the child to soya bean milk. Then, after that, you kinda break in the giraffe porn. Like, slowly but surely.”
Whatever you may think about Sean Paul’s apparent fascination with the sex lives of giraffes – and we all have our own peccadilloes, so let’s not judge – you have to admit that his willingness to own up to it makes for entertaining viewing, as you’ll see if you watch the video below.
Also, this incident serves to clarify the meaning behind his smash hit song Gimme The Light. While some have suggested the song has drug connotations – a ‘light’ being another way to refer to a ‘lighter’, which can be used to ‘light’ a ‘joint’ of ‘weed’, i.e. set it to ‘burning’, before ‘inhaling’ the ‘intoxicating’ ‘fumes’? – clearly the tune’s lyrics were referring to a torch. A torch which Shanna uses to illuminate the darkness beneath his duvet, where he spends, presumably, hours lingering over giraffe pornography.
Similarly, it now becomes clear that Get Busy was all about giraffes rutting. It seems so obvious now.
One has to wonder whether those who have purchased Sean Paul’s records would have been quite so keen to part with their cash if they knew that the proceeds were going towards feeding the artist’s apparently chronic, unquenchable thirst for images of hot, dusty, grunting giraffe copulation. Still, if it wasn’t that it would be something else. It’s always something with these pop stars, isn’t it?
Should you be in any doubt as to the veracity of the above quotations, behold:
This was a guest blog by Stuart Waterman from the marvellous My Chemical Toilet, which is very good.
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shooty* says
I’m still not sure if Shanna’s for real or not.
I mean, how come no one’s pointed out that he’s whiter than Eminem?
I’d like to think it’s because racial boundaries don’t matter, but I’m not sure that’s the reason.
jurva genes says
Great Story! I like it.
dora says
Intriguing. Hm…
Well, I think that’s just their game plan.
jerva says
Giraffe porn? a must see movie i guess!
amanda says
Sean Paul looks like my boyfriend. Both of them are hot. LOL!
shooty* says
On behalf of the other 6.9 billion people on the planet, I have been chosen to tell you that the rest of us are very, very happy for you both.
A.J. says
I prefer ostrich than giraffe. ^^
hailey says
Why is it not an elephant porn? well just a suggestion..
Saw2 says
What does he mean to young Japanese ghost?
raha says
Giraffe porn? sound interesting! it may be the best seller here in our country because there are no giraffes here!
jason says
looking forward on that!
ladygaga says
I love this article!
jaysean says
Nice idea by sean paul.
Helle says
Go Shaun Paul. I hope you’ll be back soon.
Jai says
Still it is porn. But he has a great sense of humor.
Shawn says
Sean Paul rock my world!
Nicolai says
sex lives of giraffes? interesting.. ahaha
ashely says
Sean Paul’s idea was very interesting!
mariah says
Let’s see if Sean Paul could contribute to young Japanese.
Giraffe says
On behalf of all living giraffes on earth, I am proud and happy to say congrats to Giraffe Porn.. Giraffe RULES!!!
mariah says
kinda freak idea by shean paul
lmfo says
What do mean by Shean Paul? Better him to stay in music industry! I like his music
mina says
Get busy is my favorite song of Shean Paul and baby boy feat. beyonce.. well it will be good to have giraffe porn with this music in the background. lols
Two Long says
Get Busy… Ching ching ching … Esa loca!!! La la
tanny says
Love Shean Paul and his freak idea.
benny says
I was so confused with his idea!
rose says
I love your new album, Shean Paul!
Balls says
Happy Valentines Day to everyone :D
potchi says
Do you remember? all the good times that we have? Let’s bring it back! go sean paul.. love your sing!
Lala Key says
I do have a giraffe at my bed
Bash Young says
This is something related like John Mayer, but this article is much funnier than Mr. Mayer.
pOpoL says
“Do you remember”
I love that song by shawn paul
eva yan says
It goes like this popol “do you remember all the times that we had, lets bring it back!”
pillow says
Lets support shawn paul’s album and upcoming album
eva yan says
I agree with you pillow. He is my idol!
ibon nyie says
pillow.. can i hug u? im sad
eva yan says
Booty shakin’ move..Like that!
ibon nyie says
I love pillows. they are like marshmallows
ibon nyie says
Soft like breast.